Even Superheroes Need Pizza!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN ALL!!!!

Hope no one gets a tummy ache this evening! Kade was pretty much zinging from one wall to the other this evening before bed. Thank goodness he did not throw too much of a fit when I took his goody bag away! Yikes! Good thing it was too cold to trick or treat for very long!

This evening we went to the base to trick or treat and it was really really cute. Everyone goes all out there to hand out candy, I was quite impressed. Several had these neat "sets" built up in their garages, yards were full decorated, jack-o-lanterns every way you turned, nearly every single person handing out candy was in costume...very very fun for the kids. I mean I was REALLY impressed. Especially since when we first drove up I said, "Geez, Halloween is just LAME here." Well Mike thought they were only doing trick or treat from 4-6 which sounded weird but whatever, I don't keep up with things. Well, we just got there right as it was about to break out, which turned out for the better anyway. All those big kids start coming out after awhile and it is just way too crowded. So all the candy people were blessed with the presence of immense cuteness to start off their evening.

Oh and the boys did soooooo good! It was one of the most ADORABLE things I think I've ever seen! Cody kind of sort of did it a little bit last year, but not really. Once he figured out those people were handing out FREE "CANNY" he was ALL over it. It was nearly overwhelming a few times how DAMN CUTE it was.
Yeah, it was that cute. My heart was just bursting with adoration for the cuteness of my boys.

Shut up Aimee and just share photos of the cuteness already? Just a few snapshots for now from this evening. Nothing super great, doesn't do the cutest boys in the world justice as to how cute they really were in person. I'm trying to see how many times I can put "cute" in one single blog post right now...

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To begin our story of photos. Here is dress rehearsal the day we got the costumes in the mail. Kade loved it, as I knew he would. He really loves to dress up.

Cody, who was just as adamant that HE too wanted to be Mr. Increh-uh-buhl, was not so thrilled with it after all. Oooooh dear. Too late to return it, to expensive to not wear it, what to do? So we asked him EVERYDAY if he wanted to wear it. Adamantly exclaiming, "NO!!!!" he'd run away from you. If you even TOUCHED the package it came in, he'd cry. Oy. So I'd wracked my brain trying to think of SOMETHING he might wear. He was having absolutely no part of any other costumes we had, not that any of them really fit him - not even Kade's from LAST year. Nope. So then I thought of one that would just be a hat and clothing. Surely he'd do that? Well, the "fancy dress shop" which is otherwise known to us Americans as a costume shop apparently moved or went out of business because when we finally made our way over there today, it was just an empty space. Oh hell. So finally I decided, if all else fails, I'll just faux-hawk him all up and put on some of their rock n' roll garb and he can be a punk. See, he'd fit that profile well. Especially with his attitude this afternoon.

We grabbed ALL the costumes and headed out. ALl the way there, he still refused to wear it. He cried if we mentioned it. I'd even brought along his Old Navy tee that Granny sent him if that is all I could get on him. Desperation! Not a "costume" but festive at least.

Well.... because my baby boy loves his Mommy so much. He said he'd been teasing us all that time.

It was no time at all, and they figured it out and were ringing the bell and saying their lines ALL by themselves! What big boys!!! There was ONE door, and I've got to give my big brave boy some props here, that had a scary skeleton on it who's eyes lit up. Well Kade said he was scared and he did not want to knock. However, he knew there was candy on the other side of that scary door. It was a pretty risky move, but he actually went over and rang the bell with the scary skeleton staring at him. Wow. Goes to show he's grown up a LOT, this boy who was my little fraidy cat and once he was scared, that was it. Not tonight, tonight he was a big brave boy.

There were some pretty darn cute candy hander outters. (new word). hehe

Time to replenish their energy stores with some good old carbs from Pizza Hut!

Nice hair huh? Oh don't even bug me about that damn binky. I bug myself about it enough. It is not the kid that is so addicted to those things...it is US as parents! haha

We ended our evening by Kade asking if we could go home now because it was cold, which it was!!! Co fell asleep in the car on the way home, Kade got to stay up with us and watch Star Wars in front of the fire and go through his loot.
Now he's sleeping soundly as I'd like to be, and will be very shortly.

They both did so wonderful and I was so proud of them! Next year, I know is just going to be a total blast!

Everyone be safe and have a fantastic evening! I believe we are off to explore Norwich tomorrow - FINALLY!!! A picnic lunch at a park or castle or something. Some window shopping and just being out of the house, should the weather hold. Sunday, we're home because I got a creative itch the other day and have come up with all sorts of evil plans to occupy my poor husband's entire weekend!

Oh, and PS all these photos were taken between 5 and 6 PM. Dark huh? hahahahahaha!

Determination

So I took pictures of the boys today. However it seems that EVERY time I shoot some photos of something, it is a month before I get them loaded and anything converted, and I am sure I have not shared a ton. I've come across folders on my hard drives that I have no idea what they are, open it up...untouched photos I forgot I even took.

So.

Tonight I had made up my mind that I was going to dump my card, convert some of these and share them on the SAME DAY. Well, who's Thursday, that is up in the air I guess since it is 2am here. I SO cannot hang with this anymore. Seriously, I think I'm on the verge of hallucinating! ha! That coming from someone that lived on as little as 8-16 hours of sleep a WEEK for a LONG time!

Anyway, without further ado, almost LIVE photos of the boys. I will warn that Kade LOOKS really big here. Why? Because he IS!!! He's grown TWO INCHES! Just since we arrived! That is a lot in 3 months! Clothes are going FAST around here these days! I'm actually almost to the point where hand me downs are no more.

Whatever will I do?

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You will begin to notice a trend. Any photo that could have been an "oh!" picture, has something in the way. Thanks that would have been adorable, but now...we have a jacket flap across the mouth.

Don't know why, don't care why...I LOVE this. That is one happy little boy. :)

To know Kade in person, is to adore this "look".Hmmm....that one might get the ladies later on. ;) For now, it gets him out of trouble when he probably shouldn't get out of trouble often times.

Is that Kade? I'm not real sure because it looks like a BIG KID, not my little squishy baby boy.

Yes. He's playing with frozen waffles outside. I decided we'd get back to basics, like when I was a kid and we played with stuff we found around the house because we couldn't afford toys from an actual toy store. Hey, it groomed us for creativity in life, what can I say?

Alright, alright y'all KNOW these kids have more toys than that can even play with. Our recycling is SO good that even any left over bread products are recycled. We just toss them out the kitchen window and the peacocks will be along shortly to take care of it for us. Kade just beat them to it this morning. HE thought they were pretty fun to throw around. So hey...if your kids are bored and whining, just chunk their asses out in the backyard with some eggos and tell them to have fun.

More of that trend. Use your imagination. How adorable COULD that have been? He was throwing leaves at me (more dirt than leaves of course) and well, that dumb lagging leaf was still in the way when I shot! :(

Milk mustache and all. :) Love that smile like nobody's business! LOOOOVE it!

Now this one almost gets me a little choked up. He's always had what I can only call "soulful" eyes. Sometimes, he looks off somewhere like this and he just stares into oblivion thinking. Once in awhile, like here, it looks like he can see the entire world through those eyes all at one time. Past the big fence, beyond the trees, the buildings, the farmland, the cities. He can see the hurt, happy, free, imprisoned, appreciative, hateful, hungry, loved everything from everyone all at one time in his young innocent eyes. I wonder what goes on behind them, in that mind of his, what they are meant to do because eyes like that, not only in their beauty, but power, have some grand purpose. I'm certain of it. :) (That is NOT me being biased about my child either.)

THIS my friends, is the Cody face. Sort of duck lips perhaps? Although he's talking goofy as he can be, but he's totally serious! He was angry because he could not see over the fence.

That is just too funny to me. I remember when I was little and we'd go out to play on a cold day. I'd get all bundled up and man I HATED wearing a hood but I had to! With ears like these, you've gotta keep them covered! So it just reminded me of that feeling of binding. Turning my whole body trying to see around the edge of that stupid hood! I am sure I looked like a dumb dog chasing its tail, turning in circles trying to see around the edge of the hood as if EVENTUALLY it would just move over for me if I spun around long enough!

Well, they are hereditary there's no doubt because here is yet another pair of those soulful eyes. His are different and I have yet to really wonder what his "look" is. It took awhile to get Kade's and of course, that is only speculation.

So does this nose look familiar to anyone? It makes me giggle to this day when I look at it just right. There is no mistaking that nose! It is so adorable! Co is definitely mostly Mike's side of the gene pool because I'm still trying to figure out if Cody is mine or not, I am not seeing the resemblance. Perhaps Mike and I should have a talk....

Yeah....mention going inside again. This is the look I got when I said something very motherly. I think it was something like, "Put your hood on, put this hat on...or we ARE going inside young man! Now make a choice or get your rear in the house! It's too COLD, you'll get sick!".

Oh man. When the hell did THAT happen?

So apparently he chose the hat and adjusted his damn attitude. (Until he started pulling the hat off too).

I got shusssshed. Yay.

Modeling debut on the hood of a vehicle. Hmmm....perhaps it is time to forward his portfolio on over to some folks in London?

Damn, there's that weird kid again. The one that keeps saying he's Kade, but he looks and acts much too old to be Kade.

Alright folks.

That's all. I'll have pics up from the Pumpkin Patch and some other fall stuff in the next couple of days. I started to mess with them, but it is time for the restart, and much more importantly, time for my head to hit the pillow. Need rest! Lots of trick or treating to do tomorrow! So I ask that everyone PLEASE send great mood Cody vibes my way so that little turd will put on his freakin COSTUME!!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN PEOPLE!!!!!!

It was just another one of those "moments"

Perhaps I've got too much time alone with my thoughts these days. Must be the case since I'm getting all philosophical lately. However, I suppose it is good. I'm trying soooo hard to A. CALM DOWN and B. soak up the moments, the special things.
I've noticed suddenly that my kids are growing up REALLY freaking fast! I spent so much time working and worrying about everyone else's crap that they somehow just went on growing up without me. I thank God that I had to step back and see that so early though. Thank God they aren't 20 years old and I'm kicking the dirt thinking, "Huh...who'da thought?". Yes, thank goodness for all of that. I can step back and just soak up the beauty of that smile. Those gorgeous eyes, those mile long lashes they both have. That silly face, that giggle, that whine and even that fuss.
Perhaps that monster of mine, PMS (ugh yes AGAIN) is making me a little bit emotional today. Luckily it is the sappy emotional and not the bitchy one. This month has been more mild...FINALLY. Although I'm on the verge of asking to get my hormones tested to make sure those ovaries I still have are working. It is hotflash central around here lately and seems sudden and so much worse than I've been in the past. You KNOW if I'm outside in a tee and capris and its really "nice" out to me but I come check the temps and it is actually 38 degrees out...something is not right. Mike thought I was nuts, I said, "It is not bad out at all today, they must've been way wrong about the forecast." he replies with, "Are you effin nuts woman? Its freeeezing outside!".
hahaha.
Well, I'll be damned, it actually wasn't far off. haha
Oh well it saves me from having to hunt for new winter clothes since all my stuff from last year seems to have grown. Hey who knew clothes could grow too instead of only shrinking?

Anyway, back to the point.
We tried to go outside today for a little bit because the kids have been cooped up already and there's just no way I can prolong it until Spring. Doubt that will work out at all. Of course in the midst of trying to get them dressed and bundled up, it started to rain. Ugh! Luckily it was a short one though and we proceeded to finish our bundling and fighting over shoes etc...
We still have not found them rain gear. I guess I'm being too picky since I live in England and there is plenty of it around (now that I've found more stores that is) and in the past month I've still not found anything. We went out and played, I took pics, they played together and ran around with those big gorgeous smiles they have. Cody squealed about an airplane and they both watched in amazement as the big crane moved around at some yard a mile away (you could just see the top of it over the trees, enough for them though).
It began to rain again and didn't want to let up this time, so after a bit of a battle, I got them inside. Cody actually seemed happy with that decision as he kicked off his boots and said, "Mommy it cooooode out dere. brrrrrrrr!".
Sure it sounds cute, but then he remembered how tired he was because he woke up at 4am this morning, or something like that. So he had a meltdown or two. I finally have to give MYSELF a time out and just go finish lunch. When they came in, Kade had his pretend stethoscope and Cody still sniffing and sad let his big brother check him to make sure he was okay. Kade speaking in his soft concerned voice asked Cody if he was okay and to let him help. :)
We all sat down to eat and Kade smiles across at Cody, Cody giggles at Kade. Then, just as sweet as he can be, as if Cody is just a tiny baby, Kade covers his eyes and starts playing peek-a-boo with Cody. Co just cracks up. Then he mimics Kade. Both of them with their sweet voices on, playing peek-a-boo with each other.
For a second I thought how blessed I was at what a wonderful big brother Kade is. I remember worrying so much when I was pregnant with Cody how jealous Kade would be and he'd think we didn't love him anymore etc... but for the most part, he's never acted like that. The day we brought Cody home from the hospital, I was so concerned that Kade would have a fit and bawl b/c he was jealous. He had his first tantrum ever and bawled, because we took "his" baby from him and wouldn't let him carry "his" baby around.
I am so proud of them both, how close they are. Of COURSE they fight like crazy, don't be silly! However, it is good and it is a good sign I think. They are both very passionate kids and so their fighting is pretty over the top sometimes, but when we get the screaming stopped and the hitting out of reach, they hug, they tell each other they are sorry and that they love each other. What more can you ask for?
So as this moment goes on, those sweet voices saying "peek-a-boo!" as they would to a baby, shot my brain that stupid annoying thought that zings right down to my heart, then to my gut. A baby. (Yes, forewarning, here goes...)
I hate that it comes from nowhere. I wish I had a warning light or something so we could duck and cover, run to the cellar or put on some hard hats and brace ourselves. Unfortunately it hits at the times you seem to least expect it.
A baby. Had things taken a different turn, they very well would have been doing that to their baby sister (which I'm still certain would've been a girl so we'll stick with it). She'd be just over 3 months old right now. Perfect age for two doting big brothers to be playing peek a boo with her and making her giggle.
*sigh*
I swear it is just NEVER going to go away. I wonder, am I going to be 75 years old and still get this pang in my chest out of nowhere? Always wondering? Would it be better if I'd have just dealt with it when it happened? There is also that thing, that everyone tells you not to do, but if you've ever lost a baby, I don't care who you are and how much you had no way of knowing (most DEFINITELY in my particular case) you STILL cannot stop yourself from wondering what you might have done, that if done differently might have changed this outcome. I did so many things that could have been and probably were SO harmful and the mere fact that I got pregnant again, the mere fact that this baby was all the way in my uterus and the mere fact that after my hysterectomy the dr. said he had no earthly idea how I even got pregnant beyond all the rest of it because he couldn't even FIND the rest of one of my tubes and they were just mangled beyond recognition. How can that not have been something miraculous and I messed it up somehow. That is truly the type of things I wonder. Like, some silly FEAR that I'm now doomed to hell or something b/c I was given some insane gift, some miracle that never should have happened in the first place, many measures taken to prevent this from happening, but it did anyway and it made it ALL the way where it was supposed to be. Where it was supposed to grow and form and cozy up until it was time to come out and join us. It made it there, it even grew there for awhile and the instant we found out it was there. We lost it. According to my ultrasound, the dates, measurements etc... it had stopped growing 2 days before we saw her (assuming the measurements were right on).
Then, you can think even further b/c that is what you do when you grieve I guess. How much more perfectly could this have been timed? Perhaps more information than one might want to know, but do you want to know the EXACT date that this child was conceived? The very day my husband got home from a deployment. My cycle, the dates etc... led me to a most fertile day being the exact day he got home. The NP just sighed and said, "Yep, if you were gonna make a baby, that'd be the day you'd have to do it on.".
I mean... I don't know. It has all gone round and round in my mind a billion times. So the ME that is so very me, knows that there was a reason. It led to the events that took place thereafter and well, I did leave it up to chance and fate and actually gave it a go one last time before my surgery just to be sure it was what was MEANT to happen. It was. I try to comfort myself by thinking that had things now worked out how they did, I would have never known and I don't know, maybe something evil was afoot in my reproductive organs and removing them saved me from something that we'll never know about. If that makes any sense. Who knows, it was the best "reasoning" I could come up with.
While sometimes I did wonder if I'd made the right decision by having the tubal, I knew it WAS the right decision. I did not ever feel that it was right to not go ahead with further actions after this happened, much less to TRY for another baby because I don't feel it was right to try to replace a baby we were not out to have in the first place. I know my limits as a mother and two is pushing the bar most days. Pregnancy and I don't get along all that great, something ALWAYS happens in childbirth, or shortly there after and well, just the day to day. So there have been times, especially after spending 3 hours with my nephew and my two boys all together that surely reminded me I definitely did not need another child. Ben, Kade and Cody are all exactly the same age apart as it would've been with baby #3. So honestly, in that case I do not feel that I was meant to physically have another child. It does still bite a lot of the time though. I have those moments. I stare at the ultrasound photos trying to see whatever I can and take that in, and soak that up b/c that is all that I have of that miracle baby.
I feel sad too that anytime I think of Kade's 3rd birthday, I can barely remember his party at all because I was in so much pain at the time. His entire 3rd birthday, all of our rituals that we do every year for both boys, are now forever riddled with the fact that I was in so much pain with....gas? Yes, that is the only way we could explain this. Freaking GAS. I went through his party, the motions of it all, the gifts, the cake, the singing, the photos wincing not having a clue. We stopped and bought some extra strength gas-x. Seriously, I've never had bad gas before I have no idea. That is what Mike thought so I went with it. I remember sitting at Kade's annual birthday dinner at Roadhouse, he loved to sit on the saddle while they sang to him, the entire time I felt as though I was having some horrible muscle spasm all through my gut and abdomen. NO, it was contractions. *sigh*
So I hate that I cannot even look back on his last birthday without this feeling of sadness. I feel bad because there are hardly any photos of it, only a short video. We had it at my Grandmothers house and she was so happy to have it all there and I don't have a good MEMORY of it. Damn it.
I think I came along way on my own though, once this finally came out and hit me like a ton of bricks back in the spring. I was actually doing really well, the weight loss helped a great deal, getting in shape and getting out of the house again and socializing, that all did wonders for me, the entire family. I did great on the move. Even though the very day we flew over here, would've been the very day I would have had my c-section. I didn't have time to worry about it, hardly a second to myself to even make a mental note of it (which is very likely a very good thing). I was really doing well with it. Then I got here and there are 50 billion newborns and pregnant women and they seem to like to crowd me everywhere I go. I actually began to have anxiety attacks and would want to scream at these evil women to GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!! Not because I was angry or envious of them, but give a girl some space, don't you KNOW? Can't you SEE what you are making me think of? What I am identifying with here? Your baby is only a week old and has a head full of black hair and is wrapped all up in pink. Please for the Love of God go away and stay away from me! I never in a million YEARS would've expected a reaction like that. I even had to ask Mike to stop mentioning that every single person in his shop is having a baby right now. Like, get some TV people!!!! Please! For my own sanity do you MIND????
Then to add to it, some very dear friends who all came up pregnant at the same time, started having their babies. Of COURSE I was overjoyed for them and so happy for them and feel a little more of a special bond with their babies perhaps, it still hurt at the same time. If that makes any sense. It is hard to explain and I hate for anyone who has never been in these shoes to think it is envy, anger or just plain hatefulness because it is not. I am NOT that way. Some gals might be and I wish they would not be because that is not fair to anyone. However, I am not. I was not and will not. You can't help but identify with it, I'm not talking some crazy stuff or anything like that. I just mean, I don't think, still to this day that I could hold some one's newborn. I don't know that I can smile and be genuinely ONLY thinking about how happy I am for THEM and not be thinking about how my heart aches for what I lost. Of course, there are a few folks, my dear dear friends that I could definitely do that for and not feel sorry for myself, if that is what you will call it even. I don't know. I'm not really feeling sorry for myself, if that is what it sounds like. I'm OKAY, things move on, life goes on --- especially mine. My life is so fast paced it is not even funny and no one has time to sit around and feel sorry for themselves. It just hurts. I guess I am still grieving in a way. I know too many folks, even if it is barely and through a friend etc... that have had losses that have GOT to be so much more painful to go through, as they were anywhere from 23 weeks to the day of the birth that they lost their child.
Even before this happened, when I was pregnant with Cody that happened to a um... acquaintance doesn't sound like quite enough, but maybe not a friend so much. I quite literally laid out and sobbed. Happily waiting to hear news and hearing that news. I was just under 2 months to go with Cody. I couldn't even relay the story for days without breaking down bawling. I could hardly even tell Mike what I was sobbing for. So...I can't imagine actually being the one IN those shoes and I am so thankful that I personally have not been and am so sorry for those that have been. My heart goes out to them in ways I simply cannot put into words. So, I'm not sorry for myself. Whatever it was, there was a reason, a purpose...something.
Some very close friends gave me some words that will forever be held so very close to my heart. They were the words that made the crying stop, made me look up and think, that hey that sounds good... maybe that is it. Someday, somewhere, somehow... the spirit of this baby and I will be reunited. Perhaps someone else needed it worse? If that is the case, by all means... some folks I know really DID need it worse, and if I'd have had it to give to them, I would have without a second thought. If that is what it was, then I can definitely take solace in that.
I could not shoot anymore maternity's, I could not shoot anymore newborns...good thing it was not my main subject at all in my business huh? I did shoot one more maternity before I left, but there were moments that I could hardly speak to them. Not out of fear, not out of my own pain, but out of sheer emotion. They were one of the ones that had a loss so much further on, and had become pregnant again, due within a week or so of myself. That is why I can say that I would have given soul, that baby made of miracles to someone else if that is why I could not hold it, if someone else needed it like they did, I could have handed it over with a smile. I wish I just had a way of KNOWING. They delivered a beautiful baby girl, happy and healthy and thriving. I could not be happier for them. I doubt they know this story of mine, doubt they ever will. I am sure they probably just think that I'm a total sap and near blubbering idiot because I did know theirs.

I just know that I am beyond blessed to have the gorgeous happy and healthy little boys that I have. I am trying to remind myself daily that their energy and boisterous nature means they really are VERY happy and VERY healthy. They keep me on my toes because they are always on theirs.
If everyone were to just sit and think of all of their friends and family, take into account the painful things they have been through, I think we'd all thank our lucky stars daily. If you put it into perspective, how your life can literally change in a matter or seconds, I think we would spend more time trying to slow those seconds down and just enjoy them instead of trying to push for what is next.
Yep, that is impatient aimee for ya. hahaha
What is in the air here anyway? I've slowed down so much, it is great though. I much rather prefer to be more laid back, flowing and just soaking up things. I'm trying, I have days where I am not of course, but I'm definitely trying hard, to find that laid back version of me that got buried somewhere. :)

Well, that is enough therapy for me for the month.
Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

It is 5 PM

And for whatever reason, I felt compelled to walk up 3 stories to log in and tell anyone...that it is DARK outside. DARK. So there is that teeeeeny tiny smidge of dark dark blue to the sky, we'll call it an OUNCE of light left. It is almost pitch black at 5pm.
It shall only get worse.
I'm so out of it already. Here I keep thinking it is almost time for bed, time to RELAX, get a break, a little me time...check the clock.
OH CRAP!!! I've still got THREE HOURS????
How is it that the extended DARK hours make the day drag on? I for sure thought it was the other way around, maybe not.
Oh yeah and the UK had their time change this past weekend, but we did not know it. I swear I read it was a few weeks AFTER the states, but apparently it is the other way around.
So...until you guys have your time change, we are now only 5 hours ahead of CST. haha
So, what is that? This next weekend for you guys right?
Oh I'm so messed up!
It won't be long till it is dark at 4pm.
I really really need to hit up the tanning place.

I've been trying to work on some photos. From WAY back that are so ridiculously beyond late, its just beyond ridiculous. My computer is awake, photoshop is logged on and has not locked up yet - until I jinx myself right now that is - and it IS stuck on some other things, but I REFUSE to log off until photoshop quits me.
Which should be the next time I sit down to work again.
On that note, kids are downstairs unattended, I hear Kade yelling at Cody and Cody is way too quiet. That only means trouble is afoot...

Wonder what I will hear first?

"Uh oh Mommyyyyy I boke it."
"I may-uh MESS!"

Bets? Anyone placing bets?

Until next time...

Mom of the Year right here

I totally win the award and will be anxiously awaiting the delivery of my trophy.
What action might it be that has won me this significant title? Well, if you really want to know... don't try this yourself. Please, for the love of God don't!!!
I'm driving the boys to school the other morning. I wasn't really paying much attention to anything, chit chatting with them, there's a CD playing that I wasn't even paying attention to. It was from before I got my beloved iRoad, not even sure why it was on.
As we were talking about being good at school that day and you know how the subject can dart around from subject to subject with an almost four year old, we went on about the leaves and then Cody noticed a plane etc...
Then I hear Kade singing, first he's just sort of humming along with the beat, I'm still oblivious and letting him jam out. Then I hear out of my 3.75 year olds mouth... "Sex BOMB! SEX BOMB! You my sex bomb!".
Now just imagine all the blood draining from my face. Deer caught in the head light eyes, I could not reach the damn radio fast enough. It was already too late though and I knew it. First he YELLS at me b/c I turned off his jam.
OH well he apparently thinks, and continues on with, "SEX BOMB! Sex bomb! You my sex bomb!".
Would he EVEN be so kind as to mis-pronounce this so I could play it off to others as though he'd said something else? Of course not! It is perfectly pronounced. Grrrreat.
So then the first thing that came to mind is how I tried to "correct" him. I told him it was saying, "Circus bomb".
Yeah good one huh? I'm so damn clever. Ugh.
SO he sang that a couple of times and then he decided that he was actually correct in the first place. Oh what do I do? I don't know how anyone else's four year old is, but MINE? Mine is going to sing that all stinkin day long at school! ACK!!!!
So I can hardly drive, we're almost there, trying to think fast...what do I do? What on earth are they going to think???? Seriously!?!?!?!?!
I tried so hard, even SIX bomb. No, he would not have it. I didn't really want to scold him b/c it was MY fault for not making sure we were listening to either NOTHING or something a little more kid appropriate like Pantera or Bob Marley for goodness sakes!
So then I had to give him the speech about how it was not a "bad" word but that it did not sound very nice coming from such a lovely little boy and Mommy messed up and made a mistake by having it on so for Goodness sakes PLEASE PLEASE don't sing that anymore!!! PLEASE! I'll buy you a new car if you just don't repeat that again!
I got an eye roll and first he says, "Okay MOM."
We walk into the school yard and I heard him singing something low.
"Sex bomb...sex bomb, you my sex bomb...." and off he went to class.
I made Mike go pick them up that afternoon.

Just....PICTURES! (no tantrums included)

Oh forGET that mess!

One photo at a time! Geez, I'd NEVER shut up if I had room to type PER photo. Who the hell has time for that???
ANyway, I'll add some here. I for some reason, lucked out tonight and had a litttle over an hour of consistent functioning photoshop. Its been FOREVER! Sorry folks, I had to do some of MY pictures. hahaha! Seriously, all my cards were full -- ALL of them! I have to keep the family up to date on how adorable my kids still are. :)

So...here are a few more photos. I'll edit to add captions if they need it tomorrow. Er....later today I suppose. Ugh.


O
M
G

I give UP!!!!
DAMN THIS STUPID FREAKIN COMPUTER!!!!! Why on earth do they torture me so??? Everyone else's computers just freakin CROAK, me? Hell no, they all hang on by a thread for MONTHS on end.

Adding pictures later. See? I said it worked good for a bit, and it totally peters out on me. Thanks a LOT!
Yes, it is 3am and I'm cussing my computer via blog. It's been evil to me and my kids are sleeping so I can't yell at it!

modeling debut

modeling debut, originally uploaded by off the*deep*end--- is BACK!!!.

also at the playground. he utilized some good posing techniques with the little obstacle course they had set up there. ha
yeah. this is not going to work... uploading to blog via flickr sucks.

on to something else.... damn.

mr. monkey

kade the monkey, originally uploaded by off the*deep*end--- is BACK!!!.

i'm just testing out this flickr thing.
*sigh*
i thought i'd found an easier way to share photos etc... but hmmm. maybe not.
doing one at a time is not going to cut it for me. :(
ANYWAY this is a shot from the park this weekend. it was GORGEOUS! the boys had fun, although they were both tired and not as energetic as us... go figure. of course they both got a burst of new energy when we made our way back to the playground.

It's those things...

Well, here I am the other day thinking how I love this or I love that about my kids. Do I ever really share that though? In my own way, but for the most part the majority of the population rarely ever "gets" my humor. It's a "me" thing I guess.

Regardless, I noted one thing that I just love...that lead to an entire afternoon of making sure to note these things. It is that file box in my head that I like to stick back these moments, smells, expressions or sounds for later. They MUST not be forgotten. Let's hope that box keeps better than the rest of my memory.

Regardless...a list:

*I absolutely LOVE seeing little bare toes sticking out the leg of jeans. Fat little sausage toes.
*I love it when I catch Kade playing in the mirror or his reflection in the glass. I just watch quietly and try to hide my interest, he usually catches me though and when he does, I adore the look of embarrassment on his face. His "trying not to smile" smile. It is so sweet.
*I love it when I hear them singing all on their own. Their own rendition of the timeless kids songs. It literally puts a smile on my face from ear to ear, a smile in my soul too.
*I love when Cody, though it is nearing its end as he gets older, runs up to me, arms stretched up at me in that very high pitched, sort of sweet yet still demanding voice of his, "MOMMY! MOmmy! Mommy! MOMMY! MOMMY-MOMMY-MOMMY!!!!!" Meaning he wants me to hold him.
*I love it when Kade waves you up close to his face and he whispers some ludacris plan of his in your ear, thinking since it was presented as a secret that we will surely give in.
*I love that Kade's lips can pucker at least an inch out when you kiss him.
*I love it when Cody is being uncooperative and folds his arms over his chest and gives you his "mean" look. I'm sure soon enough I won't love it so much, but for the time being it's still very cute.
*I love how the highlight of life for them, is going outside to play. Nothing in this world seems to ever consume their thoughts more, than getting to go outside to play.
*I love how, no matter what they are doing, when they see their Daddy drive up in the evening, the world stops. They drop everything and RUN to the door and when he opens it they SCREAM his name as loud and screechy as they can like they have not seen him in months.
*I the feel of them nuzzling my neck when they are sleeping. How they trust you so much, they just sink into you b/c YOU are the most comforting thing they know.
*I loved it this morning when Kade, who did not eat hardly any dinner last night, comes into my room, crawls in my bed before the sun is even up, leans over and says, "Hey Mommy! GET UP! Let's go downstairs and eat some Brek-fiss. I'm HUNGRY!"
*I love how Kade can make 2 or 3 shapes out of the same object, regardless of what it is.
*Imagination. I don't there is anything better a kid can have.
*I love knowing, that my boys don't know what is really out in the world yet, that their world doesn't go out much further than our front gate, that they've not known an empty stomach (except this morning apparently) and they are healthy, they don't really know fear, and they are simply....little kids. Their laughter, their pure hearts, their innocent souls, they know nothing more than being a KID. Something I never got and to me...the best thing I could give them. If I screw them up in every other way imagineable, hey at least they got to be KIDS when they were supposed to be! ha
*I love that they can make friends with a fence post.
*I love how Kade introduces his family as his friends. He introduces us to everyone, "This is my friend Mommy and my friend Daddy and my other friend Cody." I'm sure the other kids thinks he's insane..but hey, he thinks we're COOL apparently. :)
*I love how when they are sleepy and rubbing their eyes with a big yawn, they still aren't "tired". Not until they pass out, falling over of sheer exhaustion.
*I love, not hearing kid noise for awhile, going in search of them...fear coursing through my veins, to find them in their room playing quietly with their toys. It is rare, but it does happen every once in awhile. Such a nice surprise.
*I love Cody's face lighting up, screaming with great volume -- VERY high pitched mind you -- that he "DID IT!!!!". Whatever he did, it is likely upside down, inside out, on the wrong foot, but that doesn't matter to him or us, he did it on his own and he's freaking proud of himself...so while trying to regain our hearing, we are very proud of him too.
*I love Kade's face, as it lights up slowly...it comes from his chin and works its way up to his forehead that light. He lights up slowly, surely...but SO brightly and then draws in a deep deep breath and exclaims with passion that "I DID IT! I did it Mom!!! Look at me!". Huge smile, taking up his whole face.

There's many more, but perhaps I'll save some for some other day.
I have two very amazing boys. They are so special, such gifts and Lord do I have to remind myself of that most days. They wear me out, wear me down and wear me thin, but they are so worth it. They are beautiful to look at and beautiful to be around. Even in the midst of the loudest tantrum, biggest fit or crying bout, I can appreciate (way way way in the back of my mind) that that is just WHO they are. I love their personalities. They are both so very passionate but show it in such very different ways. They are best of friends too and that right there means the WORLD to me. They seem lost without one another, they yell for eachother to come play, they try to sneak in each other's beds at night sometimes and they fight like hell over the same toy that no one wanted anything to do with 10 seconds ago. They already unite in a stand off with me over things, while I'm annoyed, I can't help but laugh a lot of the time too. The indignation is enough to make anyone give in.
Just the fact that they worked that hard, are SO damn certain and are fully ready to deal with the consequences of standing up for it, it's really really hard to ignore that. Perhaps for ME as a person, maybe its going to backfire on me as a parent, but I sure do appreciate that they stand up for themselves like that. Granted, a lot of the times...the consequences puts that fire out in their eyes pretty quick, and they no longer feel quite so strongly about it, but I can still smile where they don't see me and appreciate that about their personalities.
THe neatest thing? THEY REALLY LOVE THEIR MOMMY!!!!
Two Mama's boys and it's pretty darn cool. :) I also have to remind myself to take every bit I can get, because it won't be very long at all that I'm going to be all by myself. They will be busy out playing golf with Dad or hanging with their friends and just won't have time for me that often. I dread that day... remind me of that next time I'm bitching a lot about them. haha

**********Anyway, as I'm typing, I happened to notice the date.
Today is an important date. A date that I will ask for a lot of prayers and thoughts and well wishes etc... from everyone.
Today Emma has her scan to see what has happened with her tumor. She made it through her first and hopefully only round of radiation and has gotten a break from it all, less the therapies she is still attending, though not as often. She even got to go back and see her friends at dance class!
So, please pray that it is gone. Just gone. I ask that of you all my friends, family and any random stranger that may happen upon this. Pray that damn thing is GONE.
If you or anyone you know is in the Houston area, there is a benefit for Emma that I don't have the link to but will soon. It is coming up very soon and hey let everyone know about it! It would be wonderful to have it loaded full of people!*****************

Emma - you are such a vibrant and beautiful little girl, so strong and courageous and you don't even know it yet. You've dealt with some things that many grown ups couldn't handle over the past few months and are still showing that gorgeous smile! We are so proud of you, miss you, love you and hope to get to see you really soon!
Oh and Kade says... XOXOXOXOXO. haha


So, on that note. I'm working on putting together the boys playroom today. I have decided to go ahead and make it a playroom after all. I seriously have issues. I keep deciding that I will make it that, and have my reasons, but then forget those reasons and wonder if I shouldn't make it something else.
Ugh.
YES it is going to be a playroom. From what I hear we're going to have little daylight very soon, as it is already PITCH BLACK by 6 and is only getting worse, we need to have a few places for the boys to play and keep their brains entertained. Maybe some floodlights too, so they CAN go outside at night some too! haha
So, I've researched and decided what toys and learnign things to put in there, I hear tale of a couple of Christmas gifts that will be perfect to go in there. This will be our Christmas for them, filling up a playroom. We were going with the big yard thing, but I'd rather get the REALLY big one and why bother getting that in the winter when they'll just have to look at it from indoors so often? So we're doing their playroom for this Christmas and their summer just b/c we damn well feel like it gift is going to be absolutely AWESOME!

We also got our fencing materials on Monday. FINALLY. So Mike is off as of tomorrow and we'll be busy busy busy! We've got a very large yard, so LOTS of fence to get up. Well, I need the workout anyway. ;)

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

I'm wearing a Wylie Bulldogs Sweatshirt

WHAT?
WHY???
Why do I even OWN that? hahahaha

Well, see, the sorry flake I am. I actually BOUGHT it for my dear wonderful (amazing too) friend in GEORGIA. The beautiful and talented Mrs. Wylie. Who came to hang with me and shoot a wedding last year, nearly had a fit when she saw the Wylie garb at the store, seeing as how she's got a house FULL of Wylie's she wanted some.
So I came across a nice, toasty warm sweatshirt on sale and grabbed it for her. So I held on to it b/c I Had like 20 more to buy, okay. So like 6 more. Right? Geez, I can't even add! Anyway, one day...I was really cold and couldn't find anything warm. I mean...I was REALLY cold and there sat this super soft (don't you LOVE how brand new sweats are so soft?) toasty warm sweatshirt was sitting there. So...now I'm back up to needing that 20 more sweatshirts b/c I have hers on. I'm LAME. Such a LAME friend, but hey it was the THOUGHT that counted right???
Well, anyway I have absolutely no point what so ever. I was just re-reading something, making sure I wasn't TOO mean to my friends/family that have all but abandoned me b/c they can't lay eyes on my gorgeous face in person right now.
Nope. I was still good. ;) HOwever, my sweet sweet friend T. NO, not directed at you at ALL. You are forever excused! haha! You are so sweet to worry though, much less go to the trouble I've heard you went through. I love you you sweet short lil' thang you! haha! (Of COURSE I had to throw that in).
So, no...not you love. Not you in the least bit!

I really don't have much to really elaborate on. I'm not STILL in a crappy mood, but just in one yet again. Perhaps I'll elaborate later. Maybe.

Anyway, just kind of an update I suppose. I have been unable to find the photos I wanted to post. I mean I could find them...if the computer would function long enough FOR me to find them. So along with that... I've gotten a FEW of the pics done of the girls, but that's just as far as I'm going to get with them right now until I can get this fixed. At least in the time frame you guys need. Which...I was going to go ahead and share a couple of them here and brag on them, but alas. Guess what? IT WON'T LET ME!!!! Argh!
The frustration of it all! Anyway, Angie and Steph I'm going to try to shoot you a couple of them on email, they will be kinda big b/c I assume you need them fullsize for the thing...page whatever that is. So if you have not gotten an email with photos from me over the weekend, then holler at me to let me know you did not get it. So I can try another method.

So, no pics today. I don't even know that I'm going to take this to the hospital afterall. I think I may just take the STUPID HP instead. I think it can be salvaged, but this...I really have decided it is beyond repair. Its so bad and the issues make no sense, so...

Are you a family member waiting on Senior Photos?

Well, as it has come to my attention recently, there are two lovely blonde girls that need their senior photos sooner than expected (I thought they didn't NEED them until the spring). So, if you may have read at some other point me ranting endlessly about my computer woes, I have computer woes.

HOWEVER....have no fear, while it is, indeed, taking me 19 times longer to do b/c I have to restart every 15 minutes, wait for everything to load, close out unnecessary stuff and then say a little prayer hoping my editing programs will load...I am getting them converted and at the very least, lightly proofed.

Give me a few days...I'm working on it.

Now, if anyone else happens to read this, they're thinking, "Hey! Wait a minute! You did mine before theirs!". True, I did. I do generally ONLY do things in order b/c it really makes it harder on my ADD brain to do things out of order and then be able to go back and do older stuff. It is just the way it has to be though. I was trying to get my computer issues fixed before I did this stuff b/c it is really messing with my flow and the ability to do things fully as I want to. However, I'm frankly running out of freaking time anyway. Hopefully this lovely young lady can save my love here and I can be back on track in no time flat.

Cross your fingers.

ANyway, just a note out to my gorgeous neices....your photos are IN the works and I'm working well into the wee hours of the morning to get them done for you guys. Luckily...y'all are so darn perty I don't have to "work" on them at all. hehehe. Just appreciate my tiredness okay? haha

So, in waiting for it to run other stuff on the shots of the girls, I was able to convert some more of the boys too... so I'll add those for now. No, no sneak peeks of senior photos yet. I'm EVIL eh??? ha!

So I ask...what color do those eyeballs look to YOU? Hmmmm????

Just one that I just love b/c I just do.
Damn. That sucks huh? hahahahaha

A few more from the Bizaare Carnival:

Notice now, as these photos follow, that Kade is more than excited to wave to his parents, whereas Cody's face says, "Oh Lord...they are WAVING at us??!!?? How EMBARRASSING!". Go figure.

Kade is all about the "Air Porce" right now and saluting and uniforms etc... hehehee

OH hey, now I feel special, we got a LOOK of acknowledgement. *swoon* :