Were you Merry or Bright???

I'm pretty sure I had both going on! I hope everyone had a rockin' Christmas! Filled with friends and family and food and warmth. Who cares about the gifts these days right? We're just lucky to have peeps to share it with.

(YES I still have to get the OTHER back-dated stuff up, and I will. BOTH kids go back to school on Tuesday! CELEBRAaaaaaaaa-TE good times! COME ON!!! In case you were not aware, I'd totally be dorky enough to make that cool).

Just thought I'd pop in. I heard I got the hopes up of a few with my last visit here, and let everyone down with no photos or video...sorry. I'll put a disclaimer at the beginning from now on. How's that?!?! haha

Our Christmas was really good. I took it a little better this year. I do fine through out the year, it's just certain times, mostly the holidays that I really wanna be with all my peeps. I feel like such a tittie baby too. "I WANNA SEE MY SISSY!!!!!". (I'm totally gonna get it for that one!).
I assume that'd be a normal reaction for anyone else, to wanna see their whoever, but it's still a bit foreign to me ya know.

Anyway, the Kade's school had several programs going on for the season, I'm sure all the teachers and staff were exhausted!! It was really neat though how involved everyone gets. Then on Christmas Eve we went to our friends home for dinner. We had a nice ham and the boys exchanged gifts with their buddy Tyler. It was still pretty icky out with lots of snow and slush on the roads and we had to get back to do our Christmas Eve rituals so we didn't get to stay a long, long time but it was a nice evening. We had to fight Co to stay awake, I think the addition of even MORE dark to the days and the fairly busy schedule had him worn out so he'd been sleeping a lot. We got home though and opened up our Eve gifts of a set of jammies and a movie. I could not find Christmas jammies in this whole entire country! I'd tried to order from the states, but unfortunately...Kade is too big for the awesome Old Navy ones and Co really is just about. I don't like the big boy ones and looked other places...their size, I swear has ALWAYS run along the masses of other kids the same size I guess. There will be piles of what I want in every size BUT the one I need. It's been that way since Kade was born. It's annoying as hell.
So...I just got them jammies. They really needed more jammies, so it didn't matter. ;o) They didn't notice there was no reindeer or penguins on them. We baked some cookies and watched Mickey Mouse Christmas and wrote our letters to Santa. Cody was too tired and grouchy, so he just scribbled all over it. Kade, oh did I just MELT or what?!?!, wrote his ALL by himself and it's seriously AWESOME. So we got everything out and put out carrots for the reindeer, b/c Comet needs to eat healthier (The Santa Clause 2). Then off to bed they went. Cody was pretty insistent he was going to sleep on the sofa so he could catch the big guy in the act, but we finally got him to believe no one would really come if he didn't get in HIS bed. (isn't that argument not supposed to start for like a few more years?!?!). Yikes.
Sooo....then Mike and I hurried up and got ourselves in bed so Santa could get here!!! Man, it's hard to sleep on Christmas Eve, even when you're a grown up.
As it was, well...my kids have somehow gotten their Dad's early riser, morning person genes so they didn't get up any earlier than usual. If they had...it would've been ugly. ha!
It really is my favorite thing I think, when they first walk in the living room on Christmas morning. Of everything, all year long...nothing compares, to first reaction on Christmas morning. I think next year, I may set up the video to record automatically so I don't have to rush ahead of everyone and try to tape it and photograph it etc....
Its that expression though, that I love to grab. It's the same of kids on Christmas morning, or when I shoot weddings. (I am the lame-o who tries to dissuade couples from seeing one another beforehand, regardless of the "new" way of doing it). I HAVE to get that first expression. It's the best. :)
Anyway, Santa...that ol' softy, he was pretty darn generous this year. For all of us. :o)
Due to his generosity, I was able to finally get a new lens!! I've been DYING without it! Seriously. Torturous!
The kids, as always got way too many things. They are so spoiled already, but we're all about to sit down and THEY are going to pick several of their toys to donate to less fortunate children. Best of all? They got LOADS of jammies!!! Its ridiculous how excited me and Mike were about that! ha! We just love it when they have pretty, matching jammies. We're just weird I guess.
Between Granny and Aunt Stephanie and Santa, those boys are totally decked out in jammies! Love it! I haven't had to scrounge for something suitable at all!

After we did our gifts and played with our toys and got things put away, we had some friends over. I'd made chicken spaghetti. My second attempt since we got here, the first one was edible...but so not great! This one however, freakin perfection. I've eaten myself sick on chicken spaghetti! I did awesome and I totally don't mind bragging on myself at all. ha!
We wish a few more of our friends could have joined us, but they were unable to do so...it's okay though. They know they were in our thoughts. 8o)
We had a fab time though. The kids all played great together with the new toys. The dads kinda took the lead with the kiddos so Mamas got to have a fewwwww drinks. hehe! It was really nice. I enjoyed it very much!

So, even though we were not able to be with our extended family. We were with our own little family and tried to open that up to anyone that needed a few more people around them on Christmas. Next year we will be on base, so I'm pretty sure the guest list will be much larger. Good thing that chicken spaghetti recipe makes so much (and Shannon will laugh hysterically, Mike asked me if I should double up on the recipe! hahaha).

So. Now, today we face the end of the year. I've seen so many people saying how they can't wait for 2009 to be over, it's been such an awful year. While I can totally relate...I have to say that actually, its been a pretty damn good year for me. Sure there are trials and tribulations always, but comparatively to what soooooo many others have gone through. I don't have a single damn complaint. Not one.

Resolutions? Well...you know I hear people have issues with the word resolution. I resolve to do something, does tend to sound like something I wouldn't WANT to do, but I must. However...anything I need to change, are things I WANT to change and I hardly care what time of year it is. So last year, when asked, rather than coming up with ways I could do things for myself really, or these totally unrealistic goals that few ever reach "lose 40lbs, write a novel, marry a prince, win the lottery...."
Yeah. Okay.
So anyway, last year I said that in the year 2009, I wanted to laugh more. I think I did that. I wanted more smiling and laughter in my home, to spread that virus on to others. Whether I did that or not, who knows. My huge goal was to get more of a handle on me and my home. While I still have a LONG way to go, there's been loads of progress and for that, I couldn't be happier. I call it a successful year.

So this year, I again seek even MORE laughter. Less fretting. More togetherness, better health, more activity for the whole family. I promise I will let my imagination and my creativity run away with me. I will not do anything artistic half way, for fear of the work to go into it, or it being too....whatever for anyone else. I will set it free, and not hold anything back. That is what I expect out of myself this year. On one hand, I see that could seem a bit selfish, but it will, just as laughter is, be contagious. There's at least one other creative monster in this house that is screaming to be set free, so now that he's got the bug up his butt and he is, rather obsessively, coloring and drawing anything and everything at the most random moments...he will only see, that you should never hold back your art. Whatever it is. That is the lesson I want them to learn this year. I want myself to learn it and feel it.
I imagine it feels as good as being horseback, in a big open field and letting go of the reins, yelling, "GO!!!". That's an amazing feeling in itself, so I look forward to feeling it again and sharing that.

So, that's where I'm at, for the year of 2010.
I still crack up and SO wish, as I wish many things like this, that someone had saved my old school projects. Papers and drawings etc... I remember throughout my elementary years being asked what we thought it would be like in the year 2000. We were all in flying cars and space suits etc... I think back to that nearly every year now and still laugh on the inside.

Oh, and absolutely nothing to do with new years or resolutions etc...
I've quit smoking. 8o)
Yes, its only been a few days and perhaps people will doubt me. Do not. Remember I am but a strange creature and know how I am when I make up my mind. That is something about me, that is sometimes to the disadvantage of others, but advantageous to me. It may take me a long, long, LONG time to get to a point. When I get there though, and it is pretty randomly decided without much forethought at all, I am there and there will be no reconsideration.
I've gotten sick a few times before and thought, "what a good opportunity to quit." but usually would slowly go out and smoke as if I had no control over my actions. Quite pathetic actually. Which, any sort of out of control, pathetic behavior on my part always pisses me OFF. I am not so cool with feeling weak in any manner you know. Smoking is a weakness. Just as not exercising, eating like shit....whatever your vice may be. Those are several of mine.
So, smoking is, as quitting any sort of addiction, be it a dietary, chemical or emotional just a habit. Something that ANYONE can do, you just gotta tough it out.
I mean, its not like quitting freaking meth or something, come on! Is it hard? Um...yes. Of course it is. It's easier TO smoke. To be a bad example for my children, nearly guarantee myself a tank and tubes to carry around when I'm older, smell nasty, spend LOTS of money...yeah I mean that is easier than stopping. However, I have quit LOTS of things, made LOTS of big steps that have made me a better person several times over in my life. I'm fairly sure that cigarettes are pretty small in the grand scheme of things.
So I got sick this week, didn't smoke for many hours and thought, "oh hell...this is it. I"m done." I have now made that announcement on here and my facebook where at LEAST 600+ people have seen it. I absolutely will not wimp out now. No way could I allow myself to look weak to that many people. ;o)

So. That is what is going on here.
Next big thing??? Bring on another 30-something year! I'm can handle it.

Now.
Photos.
No Captions. My office has been invaded too many times and now they won't leave (and we SHOULD be leaving very soon for our appointment with bob the barber).

do you hear what i hear?????

it's the sound of my bad luck, that then appears more like GOOD luck kicking in yet again.
and let us all say a HUGE thank you.

why? well, i'm sure a few have really worried WHY i have not shared my Kade birthday blog among any other random things for ages.
well...in the middle of typing up my Kade birthday blog, the power went out. the power goes out at this STUPID house daily, if not more often. (i hate hate hate this house. check that, i love love love my house, just hate hate hate my useless landlord/letting agents).
ANYWAY. yes blogger DOES save as i type, however...i'd JUST began the typing portion. prior to that was collecting all necessary thoughts and stories to share and of course, photos. so by that time, the power went out and i lost it. my patience that is.
fast forward. finding the time and "place" to write again wasn't happening as it should've with all the holiday cheer (craaaazy schedule between school etc...). then, of course what else could happen? yeah...i got the funk. i mean my computer did. ya know, i didn't renew my norton and went with another one recommended to me by SEVERAL computer guru's and well, lets just say it's time i made up with norton b/c i'm so less than impressed. 8o
NOT a fan of AVG. HEY! it did finally find that it had a trojan on it, when you might ask? ooooh...when i'd run a couple of "killers" on it and had downloaded a new malware program and it was halfway done scanning (which took nearly 3 hours). if AVG were a real live person, i'd have really and truly (and not just SAYING it, i REALLY woulda) walked up to them and kicked the shit out of them right in their shin. perfectly projected to that ONE super tender spot on the shin.
yeah, thanks for NOTHING!
at any rate, my good luck is... the crisis is now averted. files and computer seem to be intact.
i just got scared and turned it off for a few days until i could get my bearings straight and do some research on how to do it properly. thankfully, my ADHD keeps my organization to a minimum and i've got 4 external hard drives full of photos and the times i've zapped that poor computer with improper voltage, i try not to keep much on it (poor thing). so it was just a little bit of stuff that i think was not backed up, so while it would've been heartbreaking, it could've been much much worse!
so.
yeah.

i was just getting worried and finally had to build up my guts and just do it b/c now all my memory cards are FULL and they had nowhere to go. (long boring computer nerd story as to why i can only do pics on one computer).
i've got LOTS of snow pics. we got about 8" of snow and its still covering the ground several days later. all you fellow texans know that is unheard of! ;)
we MIGHt just MIGHT have a white Christmas and i'm SUCH a little kid i'm just giddy! the other night i was bouncing around with excitement, yeah...REALLY, about the snow while Mr. Grumbly Bear was complaining about having to drive to work in it! I guess it's a good thing we do have little kids to revel in the small things with me. :) we can get damn excited about snow and santa and chocolate together.
so needless to say, i've got a LOT of photos of them! it's kinda slushy gross and REALLY cold out right now, so we've not been out in it yet today or y'day at all. our snowman is holding strong though...

the boys are out of school until jan. 5th. i was terrified of it, but i'm actually enjoying it already. (see this same subject NEXT week). i was able to think ahead a smidge and bought some little nifties at the craft store on base (OMG i SOOOOO miss hobby lobby and Michaels and think they BLOW CHUNKS for not having online shopping). so we'll have a few crafty days and then well, after they open all their goodies on Friday morning, i'm sure they'll stay pretty entertained.
i'm having fun with them. i love their ages right now. 3 & 5. WOW. how cool! :) they're so much fun and so big and just freakin awesome. i'm in a lovin' mood lately i guess. something crawled up my fanny and reminded me to REALLY look around when i try to get grouchy lately. my kids are freakin AWESOME. my husband is AWESOME and our dog is even AWESOME!
life is good. 8o)
i guess i'd gotten pretty down in the dumps for so many pretty BIG things happening at home and again, its just certain times (holidays included) that it is pretty tough to not be there. but we make the best of it and i'm certain everyone knows how much we LOVE them and we'd be there w/out a second thought if it were remotely possible. we WILL be there in 2010 though.
we're also going over some big decisions we've got to make within the next year or so and we might be possibly maybe going a different direction than originally planned when we came over here. we are not going to close any doors and things can change for sure, but the idea of it being more of a possibility is exciting and a relief to me i think.

as an update to my lens situation. well...it's just a goner. the shop had it for 4+ months and then when they finally got the INFO, not even the PARTS it wa going to cost 5x what it was originally which would end up being a good bit more than i'd even paid for it new. i just took it there thinking it would save some time rather than sending it back to the states for warranty work. so i guess i will ship it off there now. but...i've got the hook up on the lens situation FINALLY and well, i think that being up in the air for so long was really weighing on my mind.
its really really really hard to be a "--------------" (insert whatever you are at heart) and not be able to fully do that. an artist w/ canvases but no paint or a musician with a guitar but no strings. you get the idea. to be a creative person with no creative outlet, or to only be doing a sub-par job with whatever you can find. well it SUCKS.
it is dis-heartening.
nonetheless i've built up quite the catalog of things and places i need to shoot. some stuff that i always wanted to do, but never did. it is the year (2010) of letting my creativity run free. no more excuses. however lame they were. no mas.

when the boys go back to school, co will be in 4 full days a week! YIKES! they only did mornings on mon/tues and were able to open up those afternoons and he said he wanted to do 4 instead of 3. i can do fab entertaining him for one day alone, but seriously, by day 2 we're running on low. (high maintenance kid here, don't knock me till you contend with him). haha. so he's really excited and i think it makes him feel like that much more of a big boy to go almost as much as kade.
i am hoping and praying i can find SOMEWHERE fo rhim to go to big boy school in September. he's totally ready for it in everyway. i will not get into debates about it either. i know people are speaking from their own experiences, but i speak from mine and the fact that i know my kids. people continually tell me how much better it is to let them start later. but i disagree very much. if your child is not ready, then OBVIOUSLY it is best to wait. however kade is one of the younger ones in his class and he's doing great, teachers all around brag on him when i'm there. about how well he does. he's reading so well! yes READING! fully? well no of course not, but for his age? he can totally read some books all by himself. its awesome! anyway, knowing my kids like i do...b/c they are mine and all and from my own experience as a child. to me, in my humble opinion... holding a child back when they are fully ready due to what society says, what the "average" rule says etc... is hurting them just as much. i'd have done soooooo much better had i been able to move forward and experienced a lot more challenge. my kids get JUST as bored. when they get bored...guess what they do? they are disruptive, destructive, obnoxious etc.... (in other words i, in no way, entertain them nearly well enough at home!haha). so anyway. that rant...is just that i'm trying to find somewhere for cody to go to school, where it is a good mix of curriculum and structure with free play as well. he's ENORMOUS. intelligent. and easily bored. we need to challenge him all the way. haha

kade has been thriving in school. absolutely thriving. it's been soo good for him and i'm amazed by him all the more. i've got myself one hell of an artist on my hands for sure and i LOVE it. he's got that totally insane balance of middle brain going on like me i think. he is not what i'd call totally ambidextrous, but can use both hands accordingly such as me. he's not 100% one thing or another like me. he's very artistic, but extremely logical at the same time. it's a gift and a curse all at once. but hey, at least i will be able to identify with him right? i never knew there was an "in between" when you got into the whole right brain/ left brain thing, but apparently there is and i have finally found my place. haha
more on kade in his bday blog though.

coming.
soon.

and here i was just gonna come on and say "hey" and "more to come'
HA!!!
don't we all know better????

Tripping over this milestone -- FIVE years old?!?!?!

I knew this day would come, I imagined it so long ago. I tried to picture what you would look like at this age, I knew it'd be damn cute regardless. Trying to think back now, did I get your smile right? Your hair color? Probably not. ;o) Those eyes are still unmistakable though!

Kade, today you turn 5 years old. I cannot believe how fast time has gone by. I feel so anxious about it, wanting it to stop, slow down...just let me make sure I'm doing this right! Let me make sure I get in all the things I want you to remember. Fun things, special things, things that made you happy. Have I taught you enough to be five already? Are you ready for this? I might be out in left field, but to me turning five is the first big deal birthday you get when you are young. You're not a baby, not a toddler, pre-schooler or anything else anymore. You are a KID now! A full blown big boy!
I don't know if I'm ready for you to be a big boy yet, but I guess there's just no stopping it either! The good thing is, and the thing that maybe you won't want the world to know in a few years, is that you are a Mama's boy. You still crawl up in my lap and cuddle like nobodies business. If my arms are feeling empty, it takes but one simple request and you readily fill them up.
You are such, and have always been, a loving boy. That is probably my biggest worry for you. Letting you out into the big bad world, you will soon find that everyone is not as loving as you are. They are not all kind-hearted and caring. The thought of you realizing that, breaks my heart just a bit because I fear it will break yours just a little as well. Perhaps it has not been the right thing to do, but I have just wanted you to be a kid and nothing more. It is still what I want for you and your brother. Just enjoy being kids because it's a really short amount of time you get that privilege and then you have to grow up. Only when you are a grown up, do you find...it's really not that fun at all. It pretty well sucks most of the time, except for getting to do neat things like raise little boys.

I just want to keep seeing that look on your face that I have always seen, and I still see so very often. That look that tells me your body might be right here, but your imagination has you a million miles away. I think that when you are there, wherever it is, you are free and happy and never know a care in the world. I hope that you are always able to go there, whenever you need to. Whatever this wonderful place is, it is yours and yours alone.
Your intelligence and imagination absolutely amaze me. Your imagination never stops. Never stops and that makes me smile.
I smile when I walk up to my car and see you've drawn a smiley face on the door in the dirt. When I walk around to the back of the car and find a whole scene of stick people going to work or making dinner. I smile when I find 30 million pieces of paper all through out the entire house anywhere and everywhere anyone could ever imagine, that are all drawings, scenes, words, letters and/or numbers that you've drawn. You've gone to nearly obsessive but I will certainly let you. :o) Most definitely let you let your imagination pour out of you freely.
I love it so much, that I do something I probably should not and perhaps your dates will be horrified by it when you are older...but I let you play with your food. So when you are 26 and don't understand why these girls get these crazy looks on their faces when you take them out to dinner and then don't return your calls. This is why. Well, truly though, it's a blessing in disguise I am sure, because until you take out the girl that truly appreciates your ability to replicate the Eiffel Tower with 4 pretzels, some broccoli and a piece of bread, she's just not your soul mate. No, until you take out the girl that leans across the table and adds her own monument in mashed potatoes, you just need to keep searching.
I let you play with your food because for some reason, your imagination goes wild when you eat and you've constructed some of the truly neatest damn things with your food. To add to the weirdness of our family, I then try to grab my camera and photograph your masterpieces before they are crushed, eaten or otherwise mutilated.
You are the boy, that any mother would be overjoyed to have as a son. You are the boy that I dreamt of. You are the boy, that I smile about each time I realize that you are MINE. That I was blessed to have you, to be your Mom and to get to spend nearly EVERY single day of your life with you until you go off on your own.
Some ways you leaving home is so far off, but in the same breath, I know it's really not going to be that far off in the grand scheme of things.
So since we know I could gush on you for hours on end, I will close here and just say, that I love you. I am so very proud of you in every way imaginable and I am so very, very lucky to be your Mommy and watch you grow up. You are the greatest brother, such a beautiful and loving son and a great friend to everyone.
Happy Birthday baby boy.

To end...a slideshow. Five years of Kade, in no particular order. Almost, but not precisely... ;o)