Seriously. It is.
Not for the reasons you may think though.
This is a whiny blog. **I am frustrated. This is a vent. Carry on....** LOL
Perhaps it will come off that way, but more so, it's being written out of SHEER frustration. I am nearly in tears at the moment, for some reason. It gets to me EVERY great once in awhile but it seems it is coming more often lately. I'm sure it is due to my persistent vow to get healthy. However, very few people in this world can TRULY understand how incredibly DIFFICULT it is for someone like me to be able to maintain a healthy diet.
I swear if one person rolls their eyes and snarks anything about junk food I'll slap them here and now. I do NOT have a junk food problem actually. Thank you. I don't eat fast food at all. Less a pizza once in awhile, though I much prefer the restaurant or home made kind instead. I do fight with chocolate sometimes, but I can honestly drop it just as easily as I can pick it back up. I think the main reason I even have to fight with myself about it sometimes is just due to the complete and utter BOREDOM of my taste buds.
I have what you call "Oral Allergy Syndrome" which easily translates into, I can't eat any freaking thing that is very good for me, much less easy. It translates into IT FREAKING SUCKS ASS to be healthy. It means that more than anything, to calorie count...I basically have to "starve" and not eat much at all.
I have had this my entire life. I appreciate it when people attempt at helping by offering up suggestions, but in all honesty...over the past 33 years, out of hunger...I've probably already thought of it and tried it. So thanks very much but your 5 minutes of thinking on it, is not likely to help, but most likely will irritate me when I'm venting, or anywhere NEAR as frustrated as I currently am.
I'm attempting allergy shots, but the allergy clinic on base is just about useless. So with my current level of frustration I'm beyond irritated with them as well. The chances of this helping at all is about 5% out of none. So I doubt my record of always being the 1 in 5 billion person in the world of statistics will ever actually fall in my favor. I think that only works against me. So I'm not really all that optimistic about it, even IF we ever get this shit underway. Which I'm now not holding my breath for either.
So to top it off, with ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the stuff I already cannot eat. We'll add in my reflux/ulcer issues. Yeah. Those don't help either. I know a lot of people come up with some stupid ass excuses, but quite frankly...it is yet another reason I want to slap people when they look at me all stupid when they offer up a helpful suggestion and I give a reason why it will not work.
Case in point....I have a glass of milk every morning. I do not drink water first thing in the morning. Never ever have water on an empty stomach. WHY?? Well...it actually feels like I've had a big glass of battery acid about 45 seconds after I chug a big sip. That is why. WHAT? That's insane. So says you. Please, step into my body for 30 minutes, then you will see. Trust me. Even milk, if not very quickly followed by food, will cause nausea. Juice? Oh please don't even go there. PLEASE. That is battery acid with a side of gasoline and rubbing alcohol at least.
That's just trying to get me through breakfast. I've only been up for half an hour. Now let's make it through the rest of the day..... every. single. day.
Basically, I could probably stick to a diet of water and bread and still go over my calories, have some sort of stupid reaction to it and then die of taste bud boredom anyway. I get SO angry when I see so many people "trying to get fit", so they say, and they just pass by all the stuff I'd love to get to eat. Hardly any calories, LOADS of vitamins and minerals and whatever other bits of natural goodness I don't even know about, and they don't have anything to eat. Though, I don't know, it just comes from my judgement as I look at them and read the info on these foods and how much I could eat every day if only I could have an apple. Though, I am not them...so far be it from me to say for sure. I am still envious and irritated.
You know I always want to throw out a big old "eff you' some days. Today would be a prime time for that.
I can cut out EVERYTHING nearly, still have to eat next to nothing and cap out on my daily caloric intake and then half the population could go off and eat a freaking apple and just don't? OMG do you have any idea how GOOD those are? I've tasted one a few times, paid for it dearly but wow how YUMMY are they? Healthy! OMG!
I started worrying a great deal about what all I don't get health-wise by not being able to eat these things over the past few years. Of course I can take vitamins to try to make up for it, but..... yes, you guessed it. My stomach bites back. Seems where I don't have an allergy to it, then my stomach hates it and then just beyond that.... I just damn well don't like the other stuff. I try to force it down but it will come back.
So...I started drinking a v8 daily. It was nearly impossible at first to have one daily. I'd have too strong of a reaction to it, but I've worked up to it. Some days I react to it anyway, so I know I've not actually accomplished much, I think there are just other factors at work that either do or do not contribute. Either way... it kills my stomach and some days causes my face, lips, eyes to swell and some hives. Today.... I've got all of the above. Puffy swollen face, huge lips (damn if some ppl don't pay big money for that), red splotches on my face and a few hives down my neck. All for the sake of trying to gain just a bit of healthy stuff.
I have just been getting more frustrated than EVER really, the last few days. I am so SICK of it all. It is so completely and totally unfair. Yes I said it. I will slap myself later. God forbid I be unable to eat the food I am actually lucky enough to have. What a load of crap eh? I am blessed enough to HAVE the food, but cannot eat it. Ironic now isn't it? I WANT the simple, cheap and natural vs. the sugared, chemically laced, hormone injected, fat harboring God only knows what other crap is in it stuff.
I want an apple. I would relish in getting to eat a banana. Sliced up cucumber.
If you wonder...imagine it like this:
I cannot eat raw nuts, raw vegetables, raw fruits, eggs, fish, or olives. I cannot stomach the after taste of yogurt, no matter how hard I've tried to deal with it. When I say raw, I mean if it is to be tolerated by me, it has to be thoroughly cooked, and that is only for some things. I often still react to foods even if they are cooked. I cannot go to person's home and just eat away at everything. I often either have to pass completely, pick through things, have a piece of bread or ask incessantly "what's in this? what's in that?' which I just don't really do anymore b/c I find it rude and it usually leads to the most annoying of conversations with random tips I've likely never thought of.
Oh but anyway...the raw thing. I can eat things if they are cooked? Yes.....and then sometimes no. As mentioned thoroughly cooked, a lot of foods can be tolerated. Though a large portion of those things, I gag on the texture. I've even asked to be hypnotized to see if that would work, to get me passed my issue with textures. No one will do it apparently, but yes I'm actually THAT desperate. Which says a LOT coming from a control freak such as myself.
So.....basically food is, indeed, the bane of my freaking existence.
I can't imagine others having to think SO much about their freaking FOOD. How easy it must be to go through life and just eat whatever. Willy Nilly....with out a care in the world.
So. In closing of my frustrated, whiny, random post today.... food sucks. It sucks, to me, to even complain about it b/c as I said I'm lucky to have that problem rather than nothing to eat. It's just another one of life's ironies I guess. I've been damn hungry before, and now I can put food on the table I just can't eat half of it.
Why can't I be allergic to cookies and chocolate and stuff like that?
Now...I leave you with this:
If you can't eat fruits, nuts, vegetables, eggs, fish and olivey products. No fast fried foods. No cakes and cookies, chips or candy. No spicy foods. Water in moderation. No juices. Milk in the proper conditions.
What does that leave you with?
Roll your eyes. Then try it for a week or two....
Not for the reasons you may think though.
This is a whiny blog. **I am frustrated. This is a vent. Carry on....** LOL
Perhaps it will come off that way, but more so, it's being written out of SHEER frustration. I am nearly in tears at the moment, for some reason. It gets to me EVERY great once in awhile but it seems it is coming more often lately. I'm sure it is due to my persistent vow to get healthy. However, very few people in this world can TRULY understand how incredibly DIFFICULT it is for someone like me to be able to maintain a healthy diet.
I swear if one person rolls their eyes and snarks anything about junk food I'll slap them here and now. I do NOT have a junk food problem actually. Thank you. I don't eat fast food at all. Less a pizza once in awhile, though I much prefer the restaurant or home made kind instead. I do fight with chocolate sometimes, but I can honestly drop it just as easily as I can pick it back up. I think the main reason I even have to fight with myself about it sometimes is just due to the complete and utter BOREDOM of my taste buds.
I have what you call "Oral Allergy Syndrome" which easily translates into, I can't eat any freaking thing that is very good for me, much less easy. It translates into IT FREAKING SUCKS ASS to be healthy. It means that more than anything, to calorie count...I basically have to "starve" and not eat much at all.
I have had this my entire life. I appreciate it when people attempt at helping by offering up suggestions, but in all honesty...over the past 33 years, out of hunger...I've probably already thought of it and tried it. So thanks very much but your 5 minutes of thinking on it, is not likely to help, but most likely will irritate me when I'm venting, or anywhere NEAR as frustrated as I currently am.
I'm attempting allergy shots, but the allergy clinic on base is just about useless. So with my current level of frustration I'm beyond irritated with them as well. The chances of this helping at all is about 5% out of none. So I doubt my record of always being the 1 in 5 billion person in the world of statistics will ever actually fall in my favor. I think that only works against me. So I'm not really all that optimistic about it, even IF we ever get this shit underway. Which I'm now not holding my breath for either.
So to top it off, with ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the stuff I already cannot eat. We'll add in my reflux/ulcer issues. Yeah. Those don't help either. I know a lot of people come up with some stupid ass excuses, but quite frankly...it is yet another reason I want to slap people when they look at me all stupid when they offer up a helpful suggestion and I give a reason why it will not work.
Case in point....I have a glass of milk every morning. I do not drink water first thing in the morning. Never ever have water on an empty stomach. WHY?? Well...it actually feels like I've had a big glass of battery acid about 45 seconds after I chug a big sip. That is why. WHAT? That's insane. So says you. Please, step into my body for 30 minutes, then you will see. Trust me. Even milk, if not very quickly followed by food, will cause nausea. Juice? Oh please don't even go there. PLEASE. That is battery acid with a side of gasoline and rubbing alcohol at least.
That's just trying to get me through breakfast. I've only been up for half an hour. Now let's make it through the rest of the day..... every. single. day.
Basically, I could probably stick to a diet of water and bread and still go over my calories, have some sort of stupid reaction to it and then die of taste bud boredom anyway. I get SO angry when I see so many people "trying to get fit", so they say, and they just pass by all the stuff I'd love to get to eat. Hardly any calories, LOADS of vitamins and minerals and whatever other bits of natural goodness I don't even know about, and they don't have anything to eat. Though, I don't know, it just comes from my judgement as I look at them and read the info on these foods and how much I could eat every day if only I could have an apple. Though, I am not them...so far be it from me to say for sure. I am still envious and irritated.
You know I always want to throw out a big old "eff you' some days. Today would be a prime time for that.
I can cut out EVERYTHING nearly, still have to eat next to nothing and cap out on my daily caloric intake and then half the population could go off and eat a freaking apple and just don't? OMG do you have any idea how GOOD those are? I've tasted one a few times, paid for it dearly but wow how YUMMY are they? Healthy! OMG!
I started worrying a great deal about what all I don't get health-wise by not being able to eat these things over the past few years. Of course I can take vitamins to try to make up for it, but..... yes, you guessed it. My stomach bites back. Seems where I don't have an allergy to it, then my stomach hates it and then just beyond that.... I just damn well don't like the other stuff. I try to force it down but it will come back.
So...I started drinking a v8 daily. It was nearly impossible at first to have one daily. I'd have too strong of a reaction to it, but I've worked up to it. Some days I react to it anyway, so I know I've not actually accomplished much, I think there are just other factors at work that either do or do not contribute. Either way... it kills my stomach and some days causes my face, lips, eyes to swell and some hives. Today.... I've got all of the above. Puffy swollen face, huge lips (damn if some ppl don't pay big money for that), red splotches on my face and a few hives down my neck. All for the sake of trying to gain just a bit of healthy stuff.
I have just been getting more frustrated than EVER really, the last few days. I am so SICK of it all. It is so completely and totally unfair. Yes I said it. I will slap myself later. God forbid I be unable to eat the food I am actually lucky enough to have. What a load of crap eh? I am blessed enough to HAVE the food, but cannot eat it. Ironic now isn't it? I WANT the simple, cheap and natural vs. the sugared, chemically laced, hormone injected, fat harboring God only knows what other crap is in it stuff.
I want an apple. I would relish in getting to eat a banana. Sliced up cucumber.
If you wonder...imagine it like this:
I cannot eat raw nuts, raw vegetables, raw fruits, eggs, fish, or olives. I cannot stomach the after taste of yogurt, no matter how hard I've tried to deal with it. When I say raw, I mean if it is to be tolerated by me, it has to be thoroughly cooked, and that is only for some things. I often still react to foods even if they are cooked. I cannot go to person's home and just eat away at everything. I often either have to pass completely, pick through things, have a piece of bread or ask incessantly "what's in this? what's in that?' which I just don't really do anymore b/c I find it rude and it usually leads to the most annoying of conversations with random tips I've likely never thought of.
Oh but anyway...the raw thing. I can eat things if they are cooked? Yes.....and then sometimes no. As mentioned thoroughly cooked, a lot of foods can be tolerated. Though a large portion of those things, I gag on the texture. I've even asked to be hypnotized to see if that would work, to get me passed my issue with textures. No one will do it apparently, but yes I'm actually THAT desperate. Which says a LOT coming from a control freak such as myself.
So.....basically food is, indeed, the bane of my freaking existence.
I can't imagine others having to think SO much about their freaking FOOD. How easy it must be to go through life and just eat whatever. Willy Nilly....with out a care in the world.
So. In closing of my frustrated, whiny, random post today.... food sucks. It sucks, to me, to even complain about it b/c as I said I'm lucky to have that problem rather than nothing to eat. It's just another one of life's ironies I guess. I've been damn hungry before, and now I can put food on the table I just can't eat half of it.
Why can't I be allergic to cookies and chocolate and stuff like that?
Now...I leave you with this:
If you can't eat fruits, nuts, vegetables, eggs, fish and olivey products. No fast fried foods. No cakes and cookies, chips or candy. No spicy foods. Water in moderation. No juices. Milk in the proper conditions.
What does that leave you with?
Roll your eyes. Then try it for a week or two....
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