My boy. He is, indeed, beautiful. Every way there is to be beautiful. I have had a smidge of difficulty with Kade lately. Then we got a report from his teacher and I was pretty shocked to say the least at how he has been behaving at school. Granted, they are only going on their 2nd FULL week of school just now and it's a much larger school than his last, I was still seriously shocked by his behavior.
So, yes that leaves me doing my usual. Fretting like crazy, worrying, worrying, worrying. Wondering what all I should have done, need to do or am doing different, wrong, better, worse. My big thing is, and has been for ages is that as much as I offer up and condone a VERY open door, open mouth, whatever you want to call it policy in our home. I have a tight-lipped son. How does that happen really? I mean, okay if he were 16 and in that parent hating phase or something, sure... but FIVE???
It goes a little something like this;
"Hey dude, how was school today?"
"Fine."
"well, what did you do?"
"I don't know, stuff..."
"Well, like what? Did you draw? Did you read? Play outside?"
"I don't remember."
"Really? We're still walking off the school ground, you seriously don't recall anything beyond the past 40 seconds?"
"Mom? Can we not talk right now? I'm busy walking."
Yeah.... it really goes like that. How the HELL am I going to communicate with THIS kid when he's perfected that line of crap for 10 more years? I'm doomed! He loves to tell some long, drawn out, insanely detailed stories though. As far as my attention span will allow, I definitely listen in intently. However, sometimes it's hard. It's very difficult to know where the middle is, or the end, or even if this is a 10 minute story or if I should get comfortable and just forget making dinner.
Well, as I mentioned, we got some not so awesome feedback from his teacher. Unfortunately they did not offer up the information until questioned about something we thought nothing of really, just wanted to KNOW about and are then handed this gem. How he was extremely naughty. I'm still so shocked by his behavior that I literally cannot picture it in my mind with Kade. If it were ME telling him not to do this, sure. A teacher though? No way! However this all took place on Friday and we did not get the story until Monday. Rather than him being grounded all weekend for acting like an (yes I will word nicely) undisciplined neanderthal child he got to jump on the bouncy castle in our backyard ALL weekend. Partake in games and playing and even a trip to the driving range. Yeah. Had we known, well...he'd have been enjoying all of this through his bedroom window or in his imagination.
As it stands though, there is much work to be done. Many changes to be made. Whatever it takes, to make my beautiful boy see, that he just has to do things a little bit different. To make sure, that he loves himself just as he is NO MATTER WHAT. He's a beautiful, intelligent, insanely creative child...who lives in another world 99.8% of the time.
Tonight, in an attempt to prolong his bedtime, he calls me up to his room. There are certain criteria that have to be met to get me back in for any sort of visit once the initial lights out. There had been silence for quite some time, me thinking they were both toast. Apparently only Co was out and Kade had simply been visiting his other planet. He calls me up and says he's scared. Of everything as it turns out. Who the hell gets off easy with a monster in the closet? Just consider yourself lucky if that is all you have to contend with! It was just a ploy to avoid sleep, which he was in desperate need of. Then he wants to talk. My boy, the night owl. Wants nothing to do with anyone but in his own time. I can't fathom someone like that. ;) (me, me, me!). So we talk about school, but he doesn't want to talk about school, he wants to talk about jets. After a detail description of every jet he's ever seen, and then a crrrrrazy detailed description of his birthday party and every toy he wants...he moves on to "let's talk about you Mom".
Is he going to be the ladies man of the century or what?
Well sure, that's good but wait... he's better than that.
"Okay buddy, what would you like to talk about about Mommy?"
"Oh...about how beautiful you are. You know, you have cool rock n' roll hair and you wear rock n' roll clothes. That's beautiful. I like rock n' roll clothes because I wear rock n' roll clothes too. I wish I could wear rock n' roll clothes all day long."
I love the moment that I can revel in the naivete of childhood admiration. I can be at my nastiest, no make up, holey yucky clothes, frizzy hair in a bun and they look at me and say, "you are beautiful Mommy". At my worst, they still think I'm the best. What on earth can be better than my kids?
Nothing I say.
My beautiful boys with their beautiful minds inside their beautiful heads above their beautiful faces above their beautiful hearts.... however can I share enough gratitude without sounding downright cocky? How did I get so lucky? What did I do? Whatever it is, whatever I did to strike it rich to deserve them, I'd do it again 100 times. For all the headaches, the gray hairs and wrinkles I've had and that are yet to come...Thank you. Thank God for my boys.
Thank you, thank you, thank you...
I can't say enough how much I'm so lucky to get to feel their short arms squish me around my neck, their sticky hands grabbing onto mine for support or comfort, their still somewhat slobbery kisses on soft puckery little kid lips... what a blessing.
I don't know how else to show my gratitude than to wake up each day, thankful that I get yet another day with them. I get to get frustrated with them for making us late, for spilling something, for ignoring me...for whatever.
They are mine and I am so glad of that and I hate that sometimes it takes a kick in the ass to remind me that there is no greater thing I can do in my life than appreciate them for who they are. Appreciate their childishness, for however fleeting of a moment it is here.
So, from this moment I vow to.... CHILL THE F**K OUT. (there I kept it sort of pg-13).
As it is, if you are the praying type...tomorrow Emma is back in for surgery #3. Being that it is the 3rd time in the same place and previous things have not worked and it's apparently growing much more rapidly (since it was clear in June and now already the same size as it was last year) there are some new treatments they are looking at doing. This is all very delicate, OBVIOUSLY, due to the location and nature of this cancer. So as she goes in, let us all pray for the third time to truly be her charm. At the same time, my friend Deb who's fought one helluva fight with cancer since '07 seems to be nearing the end. She's a personality that just wins you over the first time you shake her hand, a beautiful smile, twinkly eyes and an aura that just grabs you. Pray that her pain is relieved and that somehow her last wish is granted and her son Riley is taken care of. Pray that they can still have a few lucid moments and that no matter what, she is at peace.
On that note...
Count your blessings and be thankful for them. Hug someone today...
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