It probably took me a few hours to realize today's date. That happens when you are confined you know. I hardly know what day of the week it is.
The instant I realized today's date, I felt sick. I instantly had that movie-like moment, you know where they pause.... and there is that blurry zip back to some moment in time and that day played through in fast forward. Such a nauseating memory.
The mass confusion, hysteria, fear, crying, numbness. You could hear it on the radio, see it on the tv, see it on the faces of people you passed in public. Numb. Shocked.
It was likely the most impactful day in society in my life. I do remember other big things, the crash of the Challenger, tsunami's and hurricanes and bridge collapses and major earthquakes. However, none of those were intentional.
I can remember exactly where I was. Exactly what I was doing and if it weren't just another mundane workday, I'd probably even remember what I was wearing. I never really believed the people who'd say, the exact thing they were doing when Kennedy was shot. Seriously? You were having fried eggs and ham with a coffee at jim's diner on 4th street? really?
Yes, really. Sadly, I can relate now and most definitely believe them.
I was driving to work, I was on loop 322 just about to exit on Oldham Lane to my office when the announcement was made on the radio. I was horrified knowing how many people would have been in that building. It had to be an accident. I thought maybe there was some massive issue with the plane and even imagined the pilots doing everything they could to keep from hitting this building, themselves, horrified at the lives ON the plane but also in the city that were about to be lost. How little my naive mind knew.
I went into my office and the people that were already there, were buzzing. Some standing with that numb look, some crying, some in a panic b/c they knew someone that was there. I went on back to my desk where my best bud and office mate was also sporting that look. Numb. Shocked, we're discussing it, still wondering what on earth was going on? Then my phone rang and it was my ex telling me a plane hit one of the twin towers. Yeah, duh kinda heard that already. "No, it was ANOTHER one."
I'm not believing, not absorbing. No, you're wrong dummy, it was just one, why on earth would TWO hit it? I remember pulling up CNN on my computer. Holy hell. It was another plane. Now the thought rolls through my still sluggish mind that there is some serious malfunction in air traffic control and planes are going to start crashing into everything everywhere. THen one crashes into a field in Pennsylvania, and another into the PEntagon.
People are crying all over the office. Work is at a standstill, they've pulled the TV out of the conference room into reception and people are all standing around with wet eyes, staring in disbelief. The news anchor is hardly able to keep it together either.
The sheer horror of what was going on. How many more were there? Where all were they targeting? What on earth were all of these passengers going through? How can we get these people out of the towers before they are all consumed by the fire?
It brings that sting to my eyes still now to go back through the things I so vividly remember this many but few years later.
We stayed at work, we had to finish that day. Everytime a plane flew over, T would nearly hit the ground she was so shaken. Seeing how severely it affected so many I knew was surreal. One friend, in a whirlwind trying to find her dear friend who worked at the pentagon. Trying some way to get a hold of someone and find if she was at work or not.
After work. I drove home alone. I sat there alone and watched the news, something I never did, and cried. Still not realizing the severity of it all, there was no way any of us could have.
It changed us all so severely to begin with, and forever there after. To this day, I think we all do some things differently, whatever they may be. However small it might be to you, things we may not even realize we do differently since then.
One thing I do recall, is the feeling of pride at how people came together. At the people that dropped everything without a second thought and rushed out to do something, anything. The people that drove all the way to New York to only be turned away when they wanted to help.
Regardless of how you feel about the wars and the politics and whatever in the world else that people tack onto the events surrounding this date, just don't forget.
Don't forget the people that were heroes. The brave people who died, who nearly did, or didn't care if they did if only they could keep someone else from it. Don't forget the people that were lost and don't forget the people that lost someone. Remember all of them. That, more than anything, is what people seem to lose focus on and make it about themselves and what ever they are fist pounding about that week.
All of that said, I do always ask on this day what was going on with you? When anyone and I speak about it. It is a good reminder to anyone of how it affected you in that raw moment.
So here, I ask the questions I've asked of some of my friends today. Feel free to comment with your answers if you want, and if not...that's okay too. Just think of it to yourself and hold that moment in honor of everyone that this so gravely affected.
Where were you?
How did you first hear?
What were you doing?
What was your first thought?
What was your day like after you found out?
How do you think it changed you if at all?
My heart goes out to all of those who lost someone that day. Where I come from...you are not forgotten.
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