Today is my sister's birthday. I will NOT divulge her age because seriously unless you are 18 or 21, that is just not cool. I will say that whatever her age, she's an awesome sister and I don't ever tell her how awesome she is. So... in honor of her birthday I feel that it's just as good of a time as any.
My sister. Man we've been through some serious stuff in our day. Very heavy, probably more in the first 10 years of our lives than many people ever deal with. If not for her, would I even be here today? It is pretty doubtful. She definitely knows a lot more about me than I do. I guess my brain has blocked a lot of things, and while I know many folks like to go get therapy and unlock that stuff...there's probably a damn good reason it stays hidden, so I'll just leave it alone. I remember enough. I don't need to know more, I remember a lot more and a lot further back than people might think I do. Unfortunately, my sister and I have a big of an age gap, so she remembers EVERYTHING of when I was born on. She has raised me most of my life, she's ALWAYS had my back. She always will. I swear I don't know if I can really ever do any wrong in her eyes. When I was a teenager I am sure I did plenty wrong in her eyes though - okay, I KNOW I did. She loved me anyway and when it came down to it, we've always been there for each other when we could.
We were separated for many years and could hardly talk on the phone or write a letter and even then it was often monitored or rehearsed. (Don't ask).
I can still remember the first time I saw her again after so long. She was pregnant with Heather and I walked off the plane onto the runway and she said she couldn't see me because she was expecting a little girl to emerge. Instead I was taller than her and had boobs even! ha
Of course, I was obviously somehow spoiled and obnoxious and talked like some valley girl on crack I'm sure. Regardless, she and Jay put up with it. They put up with a lot from me.
We've had to be one another's sister and mother always. I jokingly said I was the girls aunt and grandma so I had two roles to fulfill. Now there is Ben too, so I've got my hands full!
I've always loved her kids like my own and she loves mine the same.
She has always believed in me, even when I did not and everyone else said she was foolish for it. She's been there for me through everything, by my side, just as my shadow is there, ALWAYS there. Even when it is dark, I can't see it, but I KNOW it is there. Just like, even when I can't see her, I know she is with me. Even though I don't get to talk to her as often, surely won't be able to see her that often, I still think of her daily many times throughout each day.
She is always on my mind.
She is someone that has spent her life taking care of others. She will NEVER not be taking care of someone else. I've often wondered what on earth she will do when the time comes for Ben to move out, she says she'll have Grandchildren by then and devote her life to spoiling them. Go figure.
I don't think she knows how to NOT take care of people (cut the cords already!) --I'll really get reamed for that one---.
She stayed in school when many girls in her situation didn't. She graduated top of her class and so did her baby daddy and lifelong (nearly) mate Jay. They went off to college, but life is tough, especially when you have a little one, don't I know it now. They worked, they worked a lot of jobs and some really crappy jobs. They've done without, they've sacrificed many things that so many folks just can't, myself included. They've devoted their lives to their children. When the time was finally right, Jay went back to college and got his teaching degree, Steph worked and took care of everything while he went to school and worked as well. He graduated in May, she started in June and got HER teaching degree. Finally. After 15 years, she finally got what she'd sought so many years before. Never giving up on her dream of teaching, in other words, taking care of a LOT of kids all day. ha! I think she's nuts but she seems to like it.
She's never once given herself the credit she deserves, she has no idea how beautiful she is inside and out, she has no idea the impact she makes on people or how long SHE stays with them when they are gone.
She is freaking goofy as hell. She's dramatic and hyperactive and passionate and doesn't give a damn what anyone thinks. She'll love you to death but cross her and she'll despise you till you choke on a rock. Also, apparently, let her think you crossed her sister, and the same will hold true for you. ha!
I've always loved to sit back and just watch her be...her. She has done some of the craziest stuff in front of HUNDREDS of people, just to make them laugh and make sure the kids have a great time. I mean...really crazy! I need to find that video actually. haha
I love that about her though, she doesn't care what anyone thinks, she cares what will make people smile, make the kids get involved and help them to just do what they want without worrying about other's opinions.
I think that has been passed on to Heather and Allyson, b/c in their own ways neither of them care what people think, they do their thing and that is all. It is so funny to watch THEM too b/c Heather is SO much like Steph and Ally is SO much like me.
There's spazmo and chill. haha. Don't think I've ever been able to label it properly, but I think that works.
My sister is up jumping around and screaming because she is excited about something, me...I just say, "cool." It's the way we work. I used to feel bad worrying if she thought I didn't care when she was excited about something because I did not get worked up like her, but I'm pretty confident now she knows that is just my boring personality at work there. I am excited...on the inside in a very laid back way. hahahaaha
Anyway, STEPH.
I love you, you are amazing and I miss you so much. We will never be separated like we were before, no one can make us ever again. Right now there might be distance, but we can talk on the phone, email and visit and no one can ever stop us! Except maybe airport security, so have a drink before you board the plane okay? A xanax and a glass of wine, just in case! ;)
I don't know what I would've done without you all these years. We've most definitely had our differences, but we always had each others back too. That is what famly is supposed to do. You've been there for me when I needed you, left me alone when I needed you to and bothered me when I likely needed you to but did not want you to. haha
You love my kids so much, and they you. They DO talk about you all the time by the way... and do not call you Bob very often. Cody was just being a turdhead and doing that on purpose. He could hear it in your voice. haha
Thank you for always being there for me, thank you for all the sacrifices you've made for me, for all the love you've given me and for always loving me.
Right back atcha sis!
Hope you had a great day on your birthday, even if someone DID tell you happy birthday, I hope you were still able to make it through the rest of the day.
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