Five years ago today a door opened and from the cold outside where I stood with my Dad, I looked into a vast room warm and full of loving smiling faces. At the other side of this room stood the other side of my heart. The sweetest look I'd ever seen, smiling at me (I think I even saw his chest puffed out). At the end of this aisle, was my prize. I'd gone through all of the obstacles and through the trials, tribulations and losses. I'd done it all, I'd come out on top, victorious. Here was the ending of that life and the beginning of the new one. A re-birth. Looking back now, as I had cursed the weather for messing up my hair, making my freeze to death with my LITERAL cold feet, and thanking everyone that came out on that weather miserable evening to witness this event. It was like the award ceremony at the end of the season, the inauguration for the new President. It was my entry into happiness.
I can see now, that the weather, can metaphorically represent my past and the heart aches I'd been through. The awfulness that was my life, I stood there in the cold with my sister and my Dad, holding their hands and this door opened, to warmth, light and love. I was nearly frozen solid by nervousness, my gosh when have I ever had such stage fright? Hated being the center of attention? but I was actually kind of petrified for a moment and wanted to just run to the front so that everyone was at least looking at BOTH of us and not me alone.
I can still to this day, remember that look on his face, it makes my heart thump a few beats faster. No one has ever looked at me that way. Never. No one ever will again. That is a look I can only get from him.
Can anyone else just LOOK at someone, and let them know that they are so loved, forever safe, comforted, supported and always theirs to love? I get that from him, still. I catch him once in awhile when he doesn't realize it, and I am getting that look. Is there anything that can make you feel more special? Even after all this time? It means so much to me, to see him out of the corner of my eye looking at me that way.
I felt as though our wedding night was a huge celebration of life, love and future. It was celebrated and witnessed by so many people. So many people came together to help us put it together, to see us, to wish us well and let us know how happy they were for us. I never expected such a turn out, I've always felt like there was a special hand over the church that night. In that tiny town in the middle of nowhere Texas, on a cold, foggy rainy November night, so many made their way out through the awful weather to be there with us. Inside there was warm light, warm hearts and just a glow of happiness. It is almost dream-like now. The day itself was a whirlwind and never would have come together had it not been for SO many others. A few folks in specific of course! I could never pull anything like that off alone.
How little we knew that the whirlwind would never stop. Fast paced is an extreme understatement where Mike and I are concerned. Very much so. A few months after our blissful evening we found out our house would now be four, not me, him and the dog. We were blessed with our sweet little boy just 13 months after our wedding and much to our surprise, our second little bundle of wildness wrapped up in a beautiful baby boy a mere 22 months later.
In the grand scheme of things, when you sit and put 5 years on a piece of paper, it honestly is not that long. Five years and we've gotten married, had two babies, sold our home, moved to Merkel and then on to England! Who knows where on earth the next 5 years will take us, but I know I will not be bored.
We have been blessed. So very blessed from the first moment we met. Um, the OFFICIAL meeting, not the one someone swears took place before. hahaa!
Oh and where did this bliss begin? I love telling people this, because I love the line, "You can never meet anyone there." Well, I did. I am sure we're a special case but I'll take it. It was not the grocery store, not the gym, not even through a friend or at church and no, not online either. We met at a BAR! Not just any bar, but a Country bar because those are presumably worse for dramatic high class relationships right? (Think Urban Cowboy).
I'll never be convinced otherwise that there weren't a couple of worn callused hands working magic from above. See Mike was under one impression of me, but we began talking anyway, we went on a date, after someone stood someone up and beyond all reasoning a second chance was given. On our first date, I think the conversation that really got things rolling, was that of our Grandfathers. The similarities were uncanny and we'd both lost them to prostate cancer within a couple of years of one another. So I could only look back and imagine them walking about, whistling a diddy in their coveralls making sure we found each other and moved on together. From that one date, things grew insanely fast, so fast it was scary. Too good to be true, but sometimes I think he is. Just too good to happen to me, yet here he is, happening to me as are those amazing little boys. Every single day, they happen. The one that looks like me and the one that looks like him. The one that acts like him... (oh help me please!) and the one that well, just acts like himself with too many of my personality traits.
We are so different but compliment each other in just the right ways. We drive each other absolutely insane with nit picky little things but we laugh about it. We honestly never fight. We argue, we get a little huffy sometimes (i.e. I get pissy) but we've never screamed, called names, screeched the tires driving away in anger. Nothing.
I complain about his laundry or inability to find the garbage can right beneath the counter where he sat that trash. He complains about my incessant shedding of hair, how am I not bald seriously??? That's about the extent of it. Nothing that two people that live together wouldn't get annoyed with. We don't get enough time alone together, we're just now getting time as a family together.
It is awesome and amazing and I feel...what's that? Yeah I'll say it again. Blessed.
I am indeed blessed to have found the love of my life, to marry him and have babies and make a life.
"I've waited all night for this moment
To watch the day kiss the darkness goodbye
And I barely remember falling asleep
But the minute I opened my eyes
Every dream comes true
When I look at you
I see heaven
I see an angel
Lying here next to me
Bringing out the best in me
Hearts entangled
Wrapped in forever
This close together
Me holding you,you holding me
You opened my eyes,baby
I see,heaven"
Emerson Drive
So, I raise my imaginary glass and toast to us. Is that arrogant? To another amazing five years! Who knows what on earth we'll get ourselves into with that much time, but I'm sure interested in finding out!
I love you baby. Thank you so much for finding the other side of me that got lost such a long time ago. I am so lucky to have you and thank my lucky stars always for the day we finally got together and had square dominoes pizza, great conversation and a Kevin Costner movie.
(Now dear Lord! Someone fly over here and babysit so we can go on a date!!!!!!!!!!).
hahahaha!
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