Why yes, that ticker you see at the top of the page is, indeed, very true. Yes, still totally completely undeniably 100% smoke-free. Has it been hard? Actually not really. Not at all. Sure I put on a few pounds, but big deal. The first 4 days were the questionable ones. I knew if I made it past then, I'd be fine. I did, and I was. I still am. Even...with a smoker in the house still. :o)
Who, by the way, is also working on his quitting. :0) I told him his b-day was a pretty darn good time to quit. It was a really cool birthday present I gave to myself, he should try it.
Being free of the proverbial chains of an addiction is well...freeing. What else can you call it? I feel free, I smell better, I have no guilt, I am not walking around with the stench of shame and weakness wafting from my hair and clothes.
I've heard a few folks say they wish they could just do that, well..you can. All you have to do is....DO IT. This is not the first thing I've ever quit you know. The key is just having the guts to REALLY make up your mind. Not think you made up your mind but still allowing yourself room to fail. I left no room to fail on purpose. I told EVERYONE I'd quit once I made it past 72 hours b/c I KNEW I would not allow myself to fail in the eyes of SO many.
So, that is all it is. For me, I have to quit things cold turkey. If I touch it again, I will never stop.
YEsterday marked exactly one month of no cigarettes. I'm proud of me.
Well, I'm a gal with a LOT of vices. I hate having these weaknesses. So the things I wanted to quit doing this year, were quit smoking. Quit eating chocolate (all the time at least, celebrations and REALLY bad days are okay right?), and to quit drinking sodas all the time.
As it turned out, my body did me a favor yet again and decided I just could not stomach any sweets of any kind at all. So.... now I've been a few days w/ no dr. pepper and no chocolate. I should phrase that properly, I have had chocolate, just not in the form of a candy bar, cake or anything else. I will have my morning chocolate milk. Anyone be damned. It's my "coffee" you see and I have absolutely no intention of giving it up. Other than that though, none.
So perhaps this will be the year of quitting. That's what I thought originally. The number of vices I've got, I"m sure there would be no shortage. HOwever, its where therapy tends to kick in I guess. I decided "the year of quitting" is probably a little bit on the negative side. Therefore, it's simply the year of change. ;o)
Changes I will make, all through out the year. More specifically, the way its working out is a change each month. WHether it be quitting something, or starting something, or trying something. Each month I endeavor to do something different, to make the changes in myself that I want but never put forth the effort, energy or guts to do.
So, if you want to change something...join me. I am more than willing to be the ball buster in your head when you need it! (Just ask Mike, my smoking sympathy went out the window with my last smoke). He's working on it, and making very good progress now. :o)
So, last month, cigarettes, this month is apparently sweets...next month? Who knows? I've also gotten back on my exercise regime, so that's already on the go as well. Man, it's seriously pathetic how long it had been since i set foot back in the gym, but MAN OH MAN did I forget the insane HIGH I get from it? WOW. I need to go at least twice a day everyday!!!! I drove everyone nuts for hours after a half hour workout!!!
On that note, maybe my next thing shall be working on getting better sleep again. That was good. Mike's schedule sucks now though, so for whatever reason, I tend to get all out of whack too.
night all!
Nearly there....
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
just to be a rebel and prove you wrong...
Since I know there are like 150 people sitting and staring at their screens, refreshing every other second, just hoping that I really will come back and post something else...
Well, okay so that's a load of crap. Anyway, just so I wouldn't be a liar or anything, here's a couple of pics of the snow. Now...truly, I have been sitting here, on my work computer since I last posted something. However...rather than putting together some monumental post of photos, amazing stories, hilarious ramblings etc... I've been having way more fun than that.
Yeah I've been backing up, cleaning off my hard drives. You'd think I'd have gotten like, REALLY far with that amount of time, but alas - not too far. It was really bad though, as in, I couldn't dump anymore of my memory cards until I got rid of some stuff because the grotesque amount of hard-drive storage space I have was kinda like...full.
Which is a. insanely disorganized and b. even more insanely irresponsible of me, I had to get it done, at least started!!!
So, that said, I made some room. I still have a LONG way to go, but I made some room at least. SO I could dump some photos from the last month! In layman's terms...I just dumped in about 1200 pictures to be done. So, yeah. We'll call it a worthwhile endeavor, although I may disagree when I have to get up in 4.5 hours!
Mike is now on a swing shift rotation. Which initially I was like, "woohoo! cool! he can do morning drop offs! how AWESOME to get to split this!!!"
Oh puh-LEAZE give me a break for being SO naive. Really, how can I ever give them the benefit of the doubt? Yeah. Well, it's an EXTENDED shift, so he doesn't even get off till 2AM and then it's nearly an hour drive home and then you add in the fact that England has gone arctic over the past month. Well...needless to say, my hopes and dreams of splitting the school running around were immediately shattered.
Go figure.
Someday, perhaps SOMEday I will know what it is like to all be here in the morning for breakfast, and all home at dinner time. YES I am well aware I"m thankful to have him here at all. DUH. More than most can actually imagine. Still, you hope, wonder what it's like. You know how the grass is always greener, in my mind...meals are always higher attendance numbers.
So anyway. That said. I'm going to toss some old photos up here, that probably need some 'splainin' but no time. Must sleep. This whole quitting smoking is great and all, even with the re-extension of my ASS, but...I'm about to bash my head through a wall with this stupid ass coughing! Did I not QUIT so I wouldn't do that?!?!?! Okay so I realize, now that I googled it a couple days ago, that it is just part of the healing process - IT CAN GO AWAY NOW!!!!!!!!
Well, my optimistic side says, since I'm coughing so much so soon for so long, that only means that my body is regenerating that good ol' lung stuff faster, stronger, better and maybe there will only be minimal damage. Let us all hope.
Now.
On to the photos so I can go hack, sputter, and choke myself to sleep.
Just a *few* from some of our recent snow. This is the first snow we got before Christmas. I don't know really how much we've ended up with. We got a great deal more up here than they got near the base. It snowed just before Christmas, had pretty much all melted off but in some places in the woods where there was no sun, and then at New Years we got hit again. There's still snow on the ground. I still can't get in my parking spot in front of the house. It's still extremely touchy just getting out to the main road...absolutely INSANE I tell you. Nothing this West Texas gal has ever seen in her *short* young years. ;o)
Sweet dreams all!!!!
Well, okay so that's a load of crap. Anyway, just so I wouldn't be a liar or anything, here's a couple of pics of the snow. Now...truly, I have been sitting here, on my work computer since I last posted something. However...rather than putting together some monumental post of photos, amazing stories, hilarious ramblings etc... I've been having way more fun than that.
Yeah I've been backing up, cleaning off my hard drives. You'd think I'd have gotten like, REALLY far with that amount of time, but alas - not too far. It was really bad though, as in, I couldn't dump anymore of my memory cards until I got rid of some stuff because the grotesque amount of hard-drive storage space I have was kinda like...full.
Which is a. insanely disorganized and b. even more insanely irresponsible of me, I had to get it done, at least started!!!
So, that said, I made some room. I still have a LONG way to go, but I made some room at least. SO I could dump some photos from the last month! In layman's terms...I just dumped in about 1200 pictures to be done. So, yeah. We'll call it a worthwhile endeavor, although I may disagree when I have to get up in 4.5 hours!
Mike is now on a swing shift rotation. Which initially I was like, "woohoo! cool! he can do morning drop offs! how AWESOME to get to split this!!!"
Oh puh-LEAZE give me a break for being SO naive. Really, how can I ever give them the benefit of the doubt? Yeah. Well, it's an EXTENDED shift, so he doesn't even get off till 2AM and then it's nearly an hour drive home and then you add in the fact that England has gone arctic over the past month. Well...needless to say, my hopes and dreams of splitting the school running around were immediately shattered.
Go figure.
Someday, perhaps SOMEday I will know what it is like to all be here in the morning for breakfast, and all home at dinner time. YES I am well aware I"m thankful to have him here at all. DUH. More than most can actually imagine. Still, you hope, wonder what it's like. You know how the grass is always greener, in my mind...meals are always higher attendance numbers.
So anyway. That said. I'm going to toss some old photos up here, that probably need some 'splainin' but no time. Must sleep. This whole quitting smoking is great and all, even with the re-extension of my ASS, but...I'm about to bash my head through a wall with this stupid ass coughing! Did I not QUIT so I wouldn't do that?!?!?! Okay so I realize, now that I googled it a couple days ago, that it is just part of the healing process - IT CAN GO AWAY NOW!!!!!!!!
Well, my optimistic side says, since I'm coughing so much so soon for so long, that only means that my body is regenerating that good ol' lung stuff faster, stronger, better and maybe there will only be minimal damage. Let us all hope.
Now.
On to the photos so I can go hack, sputter, and choke myself to sleep.
Just a *few* from some of our recent snow. This is the first snow we got before Christmas. I don't know really how much we've ended up with. We got a great deal more up here than they got near the base. It snowed just before Christmas, had pretty much all melted off but in some places in the woods where there was no sun, and then at New Years we got hit again. There's still snow on the ground. I still can't get in my parking spot in front of the house. It's still extremely touchy just getting out to the main road...absolutely INSANE I tell you. Nothing this West Texas gal has ever seen in her *short* young years. ;o)
Sweet dreams all!!!!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
this is not my kid...
...although that may surprise you. he rocks as hard as mine do. :)
anyway i know, i know, i'm SO getting reamed for posting a video of some stranger's kid and not one of mine.
but oh my God how freakin CUTE and awesome is that???
well, perhaps some may not agree, but i had to share it b/c i think it's well....rockin!
hehe
http://myfirstfail.com/2010/01/12/funny-baby-photos-acdc-the-early-years/
but....well, it's only 7:40 PM. the kids are snoozing and mike is at work. there are things i *could* do, as always but perhaps i will excuse myself for a bit, freeze myself and i don't know...post some overdue things that have been waiting??
or perhaps a couple of new things?
i dunno...i suppose something. i will do SOMETHING. ;o)
anyway i know, i know, i'm SO getting reamed for posting a video of some stranger's kid and not one of mine.
but oh my God how freakin CUTE and awesome is that???
well, perhaps some may not agree, but i had to share it b/c i think it's well....rockin!
hehe
http://myfirstfail.com/2010/01/12/funny-baby-photos-acdc-the-early-years/
but....well, it's only 7:40 PM. the kids are snoozing and mike is at work. there are things i *could* do, as always but perhaps i will excuse myself for a bit, freeze myself and i don't know...post some overdue things that have been waiting??
or perhaps a couple of new things?
i dunno...i suppose something. i will do SOMETHING. ;o)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Were you Merry or Bright???
(YES I still have to get the OTHER back-dated stuff up, and I will. BOTH kids go back to school on Tuesday! CELEBRAaaaaaaaa-TE good times! COME ON!!! In case you were not aware, I'd totally be dorky enough to make that cool).
Just thought I'd pop in. I heard I got the hopes up of a few with my last visit here, and let everyone down with no photos or video...sorry. I'll put a disclaimer at the beginning from now on. How's that?!?! haha
Our Christmas was really good. I took it a little better this year. I do fine through out the year, it's just certain times, mostly the holidays that I really wanna be with all my peeps. I feel like such a tittie baby too. "I WANNA SEE MY SISSY!!!!!". (I'm totally gonna get it for that one!).
I assume that'd be a normal reaction for anyone else, to wanna see their whoever, but it's still a bit foreign to me ya know.
Anyway, the Kade's school had several programs going on for the season, I'm sure all the teachers and staff were exhausted!! It was really neat though how involved everyone gets. Then on Christmas Eve we went to our friends home for dinner. We had a nice ham and the boys exchanged gifts with their buddy Tyler. It was still pretty icky out with lots of snow and slush on the roads and we had to get back to do our Christmas Eve rituals so we didn't get to stay a long, long time but it was a nice evening. We had to fight Co to stay awake, I think the addition of even MORE dark to the days and the fairly busy schedule had him worn out so he'd been sleeping a lot. We got home though and opened up our Eve gifts of a set of jammies and a movie. I could not find Christmas jammies in this whole entire country! I'd tried to order from the states, but unfortunately...Kade is too big for the awesome Old Navy ones and Co really is just about. I don't like the big boy ones and looked other places...their size, I swear has ALWAYS run along the masses of other kids the same size I guess. There will be piles of what I want in every size BUT the one I need. It's been that way since Kade was born. It's annoying as hell.
So...I just got them jammies. They really needed more jammies, so it didn't matter. ;o) They didn't notice there was no reindeer or penguins on them. We baked some cookies and watched Mickey Mouse Christmas and wrote our letters to Santa. Cody was too tired and grouchy, so he just scribbled all over it. Kade, oh did I just MELT or what?!?!, wrote his ALL by himself and it's seriously AWESOME. So we got everything out and put out carrots for the reindeer, b/c Comet needs to eat healthier (The Santa Clause 2). Then off to bed they went. Cody was pretty insistent he was going to sleep on the sofa so he could catch the big guy in the act, but we finally got him to believe no one would really come if he didn't get in HIS bed. (isn't that argument not supposed to start for like a few more years?!?!). Yikes.
Sooo....then Mike and I hurried up and got ourselves in bed so Santa could get here!!! Man, it's hard to sleep on Christmas Eve, even when you're a grown up.
As it was, well...my kids have somehow gotten their Dad's early riser, morning person genes so they didn't get up any earlier than usual. If they had...it would've been ugly. ha!
It really is my favorite thing I think, when they first walk in the living room on Christmas morning. Of everything, all year long...nothing compares, to first reaction on Christmas morning. I think next year, I may set up the video to record automatically so I don't have to rush ahead of everyone and try to tape it and photograph it etc....
Its that expression though, that I love to grab. It's the same of kids on Christmas morning, or when I shoot weddings. (I am the lame-o who tries to dissuade couples from seeing one another beforehand, regardless of the "new" way of doing it). I HAVE to get that first expression. It's the best. :)
Anyway, Santa...that ol' softy, he was pretty darn generous this year. For all of us. :o)
Due to his generosity, I was able to finally get a new lens!! I've been DYING without it! Seriously. Torturous!
The kids, as always got way too many things. They are so spoiled already, but we're all about to sit down and THEY are going to pick several of their toys to donate to less fortunate children. Best of all? They got LOADS of jammies!!! Its ridiculous how excited me and Mike were about that! ha! We just love it when they have pretty, matching jammies. We're just weird I guess.
Between Granny and Aunt Stephanie and Santa, those boys are totally decked out in jammies! Love it! I haven't had to scrounge for something suitable at all!
After we did our gifts and played with our toys and got things put away, we had some friends over. I'd made chicken spaghetti. My second attempt since we got here, the first one was edible...but so not great! This one however, freakin perfection. I've eaten myself sick on chicken spaghetti! I did awesome and I totally don't mind bragging on myself at all. ha!
We wish a few more of our friends could have joined us, but they were unable to do so...it's okay though. They know they were in our thoughts. 8o)
We had a fab time though. The kids all played great together with the new toys. The dads kinda took the lead with the kiddos so Mamas got to have a fewwwww drinks. hehe! It was really nice. I enjoyed it very much!
So, even though we were not able to be with our extended family. We were with our own little family and tried to open that up to anyone that needed a few more people around them on Christmas. Next year we will be on base, so I'm pretty sure the guest list will be much larger. Good thing that chicken spaghetti recipe makes so much (and Shannon will laugh hysterically, Mike asked me if I should double up on the recipe! hahaha).
So. Now, today we face the end of the year. I've seen so many people saying how they can't wait for 2009 to be over, it's been such an awful year. While I can totally relate...I have to say that actually, its been a pretty damn good year for me. Sure there are trials and tribulations always, but comparatively to what soooooo many others have gone through. I don't have a single damn complaint. Not one.
Resolutions? Well...you know I hear people have issues with the word resolution. I resolve to do something, does tend to sound like something I wouldn't WANT to do, but I must. However...anything I need to change, are things I WANT to change and I hardly care what time of year it is. So last year, when asked, rather than coming up with ways I could do things for myself really, or these totally unrealistic goals that few ever reach "lose 40lbs, write a novel, marry a prince, win the lottery...."
Yeah. Okay.
So anyway, last year I said that in the year 2009, I wanted to laugh more. I think I did that. I wanted more smiling and laughter in my home, to spread that virus on to others. Whether I did that or not, who knows. My huge goal was to get more of a handle on me and my home. While I still have a LONG way to go, there's been loads of progress and for that, I couldn't be happier. I call it a successful year.
So this year, I again seek even MORE laughter. Less fretting. More togetherness, better health, more activity for the whole family. I promise I will let my imagination and my creativity run away with me. I will not do anything artistic half way, for fear of the work to go into it, or it being too....whatever for anyone else. I will set it free, and not hold anything back. That is what I expect out of myself this year. On one hand, I see that could seem a bit selfish, but it will, just as laughter is, be contagious. There's at least one other creative monster in this house that is screaming to be set free, so now that he's got the bug up his butt and he is, rather obsessively, coloring and drawing anything and everything at the most random moments...he will only see, that you should never hold back your art. Whatever it is. That is the lesson I want them to learn this year. I want myself to learn it and feel it.
I imagine it feels as good as being horseback, in a big open field and letting go of the reins, yelling, "GO!!!". That's an amazing feeling in itself, so I look forward to feeling it again and sharing that.
So, that's where I'm at, for the year of 2010.
I still crack up and SO wish, as I wish many things like this, that someone had saved my old school projects. Papers and drawings etc... I remember throughout my elementary years being asked what we thought it would be like in the year 2000. We were all in flying cars and space suits etc... I think back to that nearly every year now and still laugh on the inside.
Oh, and absolutely nothing to do with new years or resolutions etc...
I've quit smoking. 8o)
Yes, its only been a few days and perhaps people will doubt me. Do not. Remember I am but a strange creature and know how I am when I make up my mind. That is something about me, that is sometimes to the disadvantage of others, but advantageous to me. It may take me a long, long, LONG time to get to a point. When I get there though, and it is pretty randomly decided without much forethought at all, I am there and there will be no reconsideration.
I've gotten sick a few times before and thought, "what a good opportunity to quit." but usually would slowly go out and smoke as if I had no control over my actions. Quite pathetic actually. Which, any sort of out of control, pathetic behavior on my part always pisses me OFF. I am not so cool with feeling weak in any manner you know. Smoking is a weakness. Just as not exercising, eating like shit....whatever your vice may be. Those are several of mine.
So, smoking is, as quitting any sort of addiction, be it a dietary, chemical or emotional just a habit. Something that ANYONE can do, you just gotta tough it out.
I mean, its not like quitting freaking meth or something, come on! Is it hard? Um...yes. Of course it is. It's easier TO smoke. To be a bad example for my children, nearly guarantee myself a tank and tubes to carry around when I'm older, smell nasty, spend LOTS of money...yeah I mean that is easier than stopping. However, I have quit LOTS of things, made LOTS of big steps that have made me a better person several times over in my life. I'm fairly sure that cigarettes are pretty small in the grand scheme of things.
So I got sick this week, didn't smoke for many hours and thought, "oh hell...this is it. I"m done." I have now made that announcement on here and my facebook where at LEAST 600+ people have seen it. I absolutely will not wimp out now. No way could I allow myself to look weak to that many people. ;o)
So. That is what is going on here.
Next big thing??? Bring on another 30-something year! I'm can handle it.
Now.
Photos.
No Captions. My office has been invaded too many times and now they won't leave (and we SHOULD be leaving very soon for our appointment with bob the barber).
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
do you hear what i hear?????
it's the sound of my bad luck, that then appears more like GOOD luck kicking in yet again.
and let us all say a HUGE thank you.
why? well, i'm sure a few have really worried WHY i have not shared my Kade birthday blog among any other random things for ages.
well...in the middle of typing up my Kade birthday blog, the power went out. the power goes out at this STUPID house daily, if not more often. (i hate hate hate this house. check that, i love love love my house, just hate hate hate my useless landlord/letting agents).
ANYWAY. yes blogger DOES save as i type, however...i'd JUST began the typing portion. prior to that was collecting all necessary thoughts and stories to share and of course, photos. so by that time, the power went out and i lost it. my patience that is.
fast forward. finding the time and "place" to write again wasn't happening as it should've with all the holiday cheer (craaaazy schedule between school etc...). then, of course what else could happen? yeah...i got the funk. i mean my computer did. ya know, i didn't renew my norton and went with another one recommended to me by SEVERAL computer guru's and well, lets just say it's time i made up with norton b/c i'm so less than impressed. 8o
NOT a fan of AVG. HEY! it did finally find that it had a trojan on it, when you might ask? ooooh...when i'd run a couple of "killers" on it and had downloaded a new malware program and it was halfway done scanning (which took nearly 3 hours). if AVG were a real live person, i'd have really and truly (and not just SAYING it, i REALLY woulda) walked up to them and kicked the shit out of them right in their shin. perfectly projected to that ONE super tender spot on the shin.
yeah, thanks for NOTHING!
at any rate, my good luck is... the crisis is now averted. files and computer seem to be intact.
i just got scared and turned it off for a few days until i could get my bearings straight and do some research on how to do it properly. thankfully, my ADHD keeps my organization to a minimum and i've got 4 external hard drives full of photos and the times i've zapped that poor computer with improper voltage, i try not to keep much on it (poor thing). so it was just a little bit of stuff that i think was not backed up, so while it would've been heartbreaking, it could've been much much worse!
so.
yeah.
i was just getting worried and finally had to build up my guts and just do it b/c now all my memory cards are FULL and they had nowhere to go. (long boring computer nerd story as to why i can only do pics on one computer).
i've got LOTS of snow pics. we got about 8" of snow and its still covering the ground several days later. all you fellow texans know that is unheard of! ;)
we MIGHt just MIGHT have a white Christmas and i'm SUCH a little kid i'm just giddy! the other night i was bouncing around with excitement, yeah...REALLY, about the snow while Mr. Grumbly Bear was complaining about having to drive to work in it! I guess it's a good thing we do have little kids to revel in the small things with me. :) we can get damn excited about snow and santa and chocolate together.
so needless to say, i've got a LOT of photos of them! it's kinda slushy gross and REALLY cold out right now, so we've not been out in it yet today or y'day at all. our snowman is holding strong though...
the boys are out of school until jan. 5th. i was terrified of it, but i'm actually enjoying it already. (see this same subject NEXT week). i was able to think ahead a smidge and bought some little nifties at the craft store on base (OMG i SOOOOO miss hobby lobby and Michaels and think they BLOW CHUNKS for not having online shopping). so we'll have a few crafty days and then well, after they open all their goodies on Friday morning, i'm sure they'll stay pretty entertained.
i'm having fun with them. i love their ages right now. 3 & 5. WOW. how cool! :) they're so much fun and so big and just freakin awesome. i'm in a lovin' mood lately i guess. something crawled up my fanny and reminded me to REALLY look around when i try to get grouchy lately. my kids are freakin AWESOME. my husband is AWESOME and our dog is even AWESOME!
life is good. 8o)
i guess i'd gotten pretty down in the dumps for so many pretty BIG things happening at home and again, its just certain times (holidays included) that it is pretty tough to not be there. but we make the best of it and i'm certain everyone knows how much we LOVE them and we'd be there w/out a second thought if it were remotely possible. we WILL be there in 2010 though.
we're also going over some big decisions we've got to make within the next year or so and we might be possibly maybe going a different direction than originally planned when we came over here. we are not going to close any doors and things can change for sure, but the idea of it being more of a possibility is exciting and a relief to me i think.
as an update to my lens situation. well...it's just a goner. the shop had it for 4+ months and then when they finally got the INFO, not even the PARTS it wa going to cost 5x what it was originally which would end up being a good bit more than i'd even paid for it new. i just took it there thinking it would save some time rather than sending it back to the states for warranty work. so i guess i will ship it off there now. but...i've got the hook up on the lens situation FINALLY and well, i think that being up in the air for so long was really weighing on my mind.
its really really really hard to be a "--------------" (insert whatever you are at heart) and not be able to fully do that. an artist w/ canvases but no paint or a musician with a guitar but no strings. you get the idea. to be a creative person with no creative outlet, or to only be doing a sub-par job with whatever you can find. well it SUCKS.
it is dis-heartening.
nonetheless i've built up quite the catalog of things and places i need to shoot. some stuff that i always wanted to do, but never did. it is the year (2010) of letting my creativity run free. no more excuses. however lame they were. no mas.
when the boys go back to school, co will be in 4 full days a week! YIKES! they only did mornings on mon/tues and were able to open up those afternoons and he said he wanted to do 4 instead of 3. i can do fab entertaining him for one day alone, but seriously, by day 2 we're running on low. (high maintenance kid here, don't knock me till you contend with him). haha. so he's really excited and i think it makes him feel like that much more of a big boy to go almost as much as kade.
i am hoping and praying i can find SOMEWHERE fo rhim to go to big boy school in September. he's totally ready for it in everyway. i will not get into debates about it either. i know people are speaking from their own experiences, but i speak from mine and the fact that i know my kids. people continually tell me how much better it is to let them start later. but i disagree very much. if your child is not ready, then OBVIOUSLY it is best to wait. however kade is one of the younger ones in his class and he's doing great, teachers all around brag on him when i'm there. about how well he does. he's reading so well! yes READING! fully? well no of course not, but for his age? he can totally read some books all by himself. its awesome! anyway, knowing my kids like i do...b/c they are mine and all and from my own experience as a child. to me, in my humble opinion... holding a child back when they are fully ready due to what society says, what the "average" rule says etc... is hurting them just as much. i'd have done soooooo much better had i been able to move forward and experienced a lot more challenge. my kids get JUST as bored. when they get bored...guess what they do? they are disruptive, destructive, obnoxious etc.... (in other words i, in no way, entertain them nearly well enough at home!haha). so anyway. that rant...is just that i'm trying to find somewhere for cody to go to school, where it is a good mix of curriculum and structure with free play as well. he's ENORMOUS. intelligent. and easily bored. we need to challenge him all the way. haha
kade has been thriving in school. absolutely thriving. it's been soo good for him and i'm amazed by him all the more. i've got myself one hell of an artist on my hands for sure and i LOVE it. he's got that totally insane balance of middle brain going on like me i think. he is not what i'd call totally ambidextrous, but can use both hands accordingly such as me. he's not 100% one thing or another like me. he's very artistic, but extremely logical at the same time. it's a gift and a curse all at once. but hey, at least i will be able to identify with him right? i never knew there was an "in between" when you got into the whole right brain/ left brain thing, but apparently there is and i have finally found my place. haha
more on kade in his bday blog though.
coming.
soon.
and here i was just gonna come on and say "hey" and "more to come'
HA!!!
don't we all know better????
and let us all say a HUGE thank you.
why? well, i'm sure a few have really worried WHY i have not shared my Kade birthday blog among any other random things for ages.
well...in the middle of typing up my Kade birthday blog, the power went out. the power goes out at this STUPID house daily, if not more often. (i hate hate hate this house. check that, i love love love my house, just hate hate hate my useless landlord/letting agents).
ANYWAY. yes blogger DOES save as i type, however...i'd JUST began the typing portion. prior to that was collecting all necessary thoughts and stories to share and of course, photos. so by that time, the power went out and i lost it. my patience that is.
fast forward. finding the time and "place" to write again wasn't happening as it should've with all the holiday cheer (craaaazy schedule between school etc...). then, of course what else could happen? yeah...i got the funk. i mean my computer did. ya know, i didn't renew my norton and went with another one recommended to me by SEVERAL computer guru's and well, lets just say it's time i made up with norton b/c i'm so less than impressed. 8o
NOT a fan of AVG. HEY! it did finally find that it had a trojan on it, when you might ask? ooooh...when i'd run a couple of "killers" on it and had downloaded a new malware program and it was halfway done scanning (which took nearly 3 hours). if AVG were a real live person, i'd have really and truly (and not just SAYING it, i REALLY woulda) walked up to them and kicked the shit out of them right in their shin. perfectly projected to that ONE super tender spot on the shin.
yeah, thanks for NOTHING!
at any rate, my good luck is... the crisis is now averted. files and computer seem to be intact.
i just got scared and turned it off for a few days until i could get my bearings straight and do some research on how to do it properly. thankfully, my ADHD keeps my organization to a minimum and i've got 4 external hard drives full of photos and the times i've zapped that poor computer with improper voltage, i try not to keep much on it (poor thing). so it was just a little bit of stuff that i think was not backed up, so while it would've been heartbreaking, it could've been much much worse!
so.
yeah.
i was just getting worried and finally had to build up my guts and just do it b/c now all my memory cards are FULL and they had nowhere to go. (long boring computer nerd story as to why i can only do pics on one computer).
i've got LOTS of snow pics. we got about 8" of snow and its still covering the ground several days later. all you fellow texans know that is unheard of! ;)
we MIGHt just MIGHT have a white Christmas and i'm SUCH a little kid i'm just giddy! the other night i was bouncing around with excitement, yeah...REALLY, about the snow while Mr. Grumbly Bear was complaining about having to drive to work in it! I guess it's a good thing we do have little kids to revel in the small things with me. :) we can get damn excited about snow and santa and chocolate together.
so needless to say, i've got a LOT of photos of them! it's kinda slushy gross and REALLY cold out right now, so we've not been out in it yet today or y'day at all. our snowman is holding strong though...
the boys are out of school until jan. 5th. i was terrified of it, but i'm actually enjoying it already. (see this same subject NEXT week). i was able to think ahead a smidge and bought some little nifties at the craft store on base (OMG i SOOOOO miss hobby lobby and Michaels and think they BLOW CHUNKS for not having online shopping). so we'll have a few crafty days and then well, after they open all their goodies on Friday morning, i'm sure they'll stay pretty entertained.
i'm having fun with them. i love their ages right now. 3 & 5. WOW. how cool! :) they're so much fun and so big and just freakin awesome. i'm in a lovin' mood lately i guess. something crawled up my fanny and reminded me to REALLY look around when i try to get grouchy lately. my kids are freakin AWESOME. my husband is AWESOME and our dog is even AWESOME!
life is good. 8o)
i guess i'd gotten pretty down in the dumps for so many pretty BIG things happening at home and again, its just certain times (holidays included) that it is pretty tough to not be there. but we make the best of it and i'm certain everyone knows how much we LOVE them and we'd be there w/out a second thought if it were remotely possible. we WILL be there in 2010 though.
we're also going over some big decisions we've got to make within the next year or so and we might be possibly maybe going a different direction than originally planned when we came over here. we are not going to close any doors and things can change for sure, but the idea of it being more of a possibility is exciting and a relief to me i think.
as an update to my lens situation. well...it's just a goner. the shop had it for 4+ months and then when they finally got the INFO, not even the PARTS it wa going to cost 5x what it was originally which would end up being a good bit more than i'd even paid for it new. i just took it there thinking it would save some time rather than sending it back to the states for warranty work. so i guess i will ship it off there now. but...i've got the hook up on the lens situation FINALLY and well, i think that being up in the air for so long was really weighing on my mind.
its really really really hard to be a "--------------" (insert whatever you are at heart) and not be able to fully do that. an artist w/ canvases but no paint or a musician with a guitar but no strings. you get the idea. to be a creative person with no creative outlet, or to only be doing a sub-par job with whatever you can find. well it SUCKS.
it is dis-heartening.
nonetheless i've built up quite the catalog of things and places i need to shoot. some stuff that i always wanted to do, but never did. it is the year (2010) of letting my creativity run free. no more excuses. however lame they were. no mas.
when the boys go back to school, co will be in 4 full days a week! YIKES! they only did mornings on mon/tues and were able to open up those afternoons and he said he wanted to do 4 instead of 3. i can do fab entertaining him for one day alone, but seriously, by day 2 we're running on low. (high maintenance kid here, don't knock me till you contend with him). haha. so he's really excited and i think it makes him feel like that much more of a big boy to go almost as much as kade.
i am hoping and praying i can find SOMEWHERE fo rhim to go to big boy school in September. he's totally ready for it in everyway. i will not get into debates about it either. i know people are speaking from their own experiences, but i speak from mine and the fact that i know my kids. people continually tell me how much better it is to let them start later. but i disagree very much. if your child is not ready, then OBVIOUSLY it is best to wait. however kade is one of the younger ones in his class and he's doing great, teachers all around brag on him when i'm there. about how well he does. he's reading so well! yes READING! fully? well no of course not, but for his age? he can totally read some books all by himself. its awesome! anyway, knowing my kids like i do...b/c they are mine and all and from my own experience as a child. to me, in my humble opinion... holding a child back when they are fully ready due to what society says, what the "average" rule says etc... is hurting them just as much. i'd have done soooooo much better had i been able to move forward and experienced a lot more challenge. my kids get JUST as bored. when they get bored...guess what they do? they are disruptive, destructive, obnoxious etc.... (in other words i, in no way, entertain them nearly well enough at home!haha). so anyway. that rant...is just that i'm trying to find somewhere for cody to go to school, where it is a good mix of curriculum and structure with free play as well. he's ENORMOUS. intelligent. and easily bored. we need to challenge him all the way. haha
kade has been thriving in school. absolutely thriving. it's been soo good for him and i'm amazed by him all the more. i've got myself one hell of an artist on my hands for sure and i LOVE it. he's got that totally insane balance of middle brain going on like me i think. he is not what i'd call totally ambidextrous, but can use both hands accordingly such as me. he's not 100% one thing or another like me. he's very artistic, but extremely logical at the same time. it's a gift and a curse all at once. but hey, at least i will be able to identify with him right? i never knew there was an "in between" when you got into the whole right brain/ left brain thing, but apparently there is and i have finally found my place. haha
more on kade in his bday blog though.
coming.
soon.
and here i was just gonna come on and say "hey" and "more to come'
HA!!!
don't we all know better????
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Tripping over this milestone -- FIVE years old?!?!?!
I knew this day would come, I imagined it so long ago. I tried to picture what you would look like at this age, I knew it'd be damn cute regardless. Trying to think back now, did I get your smile right? Your hair color? Probably not. ;o) Those eyes are still unmistakable though!
Kade, today you turn 5 years old. I cannot believe how fast time has gone by. I feel so anxious about it, wanting it to stop, slow down...just let me make sure I'm doing this right! Let me make sure I get in all the things I want you to remember. Fun things, special things, things that made you happy. Have I taught you enough to be five already? Are you ready for this? I might be out in left field, but to me turning five is the first big deal birthday you get when you are young. You're not a baby, not a toddler, pre-schooler or anything else anymore. You are a KID now! A full blown big boy!
I don't know if I'm ready for you to be a big boy yet, but I guess there's just no stopping it either! The good thing is, and the thing that maybe you won't want the world to know in a few years, is that you are a Mama's boy. You still crawl up in my lap and cuddle like nobodies business. If my arms are feeling empty, it takes but one simple request and you readily fill them up.
You are such, and have always been, a loving boy. That is probably my biggest worry for you. Letting you out into the big bad world, you will soon find that everyone is not as loving as you are. They are not all kind-hearted and caring. The thought of you realizing that, breaks my heart just a bit because I fear it will break yours just a little as well. Perhaps it has not been the right thing to do, but I have just wanted you to be a kid and nothing more. It is still what I want for you and your brother. Just enjoy being kids because it's a really short amount of time you get that privilege and then you have to grow up. Only when you are a grown up, do you find...it's really not that fun at all. It pretty well sucks most of the time, except for getting to do neat things like raise little boys.
I just want to keep seeing that look on your face that I have always seen, and I still see so very often. That look that tells me your body might be right here, but your imagination has you a million miles away. I think that when you are there, wherever it is, you are free and happy and never know a care in the world. I hope that you are always able to go there, whenever you need to. Whatever this wonderful place is, it is yours and yours alone.
Your intelligence and imagination absolutely amaze me. Your imagination never stops. Never stops and that makes me smile.
I smile when I walk up to my car and see you've drawn a smiley face on the door in the dirt. When I walk around to the back of the car and find a whole scene of stick people going to work or making dinner. I smile when I find 30 million pieces of paper all through out the entire house anywhere and everywhere anyone could ever imagine, that are all drawings, scenes, words, letters and/or numbers that you've drawn. You've gone to nearly obsessive but I will certainly let you. :o) Most definitely let you let your imagination pour out of you freely.
I love it so much, that I do something I probably should not and perhaps your dates will be horrified by it when you are older...but I let you play with your food. So when you are 26 and don't understand why these girls get these crazy looks on their faces when you take them out to dinner and then don't return your calls. This is why. Well, truly though, it's a blessing in disguise I am sure, because until you take out the girl that truly appreciates your ability to replicate the Eiffel Tower with 4 pretzels, some broccoli and a piece of bread, she's just not your soul mate. No, until you take out the girl that leans across the table and adds her own monument in mashed potatoes, you just need to keep searching.
I let you play with your food because for some reason, your imagination goes wild when you eat and you've constructed some of the truly neatest damn things with your food. To add to the weirdness of our family, I then try to grab my camera and photograph your masterpieces before they are crushed, eaten or otherwise mutilated.
You are the boy, that any mother would be overjoyed to have as a son. You are the boy that I dreamt of. You are the boy, that I smile about each time I realize that you are MINE. That I was blessed to have you, to be your Mom and to get to spend nearly EVERY single day of your life with you until you go off on your own.
Some ways you leaving home is so far off, but in the same breath, I know it's really not going to be that far off in the grand scheme of things.
So since we know I could gush on you for hours on end, I will close here and just say, that I love you. I am so very proud of you in every way imaginable and I am so very, very lucky to be your Mommy and watch you grow up. You are the greatest brother, such a beautiful and loving son and a great friend to everyone.
Happy Birthday baby boy.
To end...a slideshow. Five years of Kade, in no particular order. Almost, but not precisely... ;o)
Kade, today you turn 5 years old. I cannot believe how fast time has gone by. I feel so anxious about it, wanting it to stop, slow down...just let me make sure I'm doing this right! Let me make sure I get in all the things I want you to remember. Fun things, special things, things that made you happy. Have I taught you enough to be five already? Are you ready for this? I might be out in left field, but to me turning five is the first big deal birthday you get when you are young. You're not a baby, not a toddler, pre-schooler or anything else anymore. You are a KID now! A full blown big boy!
I don't know if I'm ready for you to be a big boy yet, but I guess there's just no stopping it either! The good thing is, and the thing that maybe you won't want the world to know in a few years, is that you are a Mama's boy. You still crawl up in my lap and cuddle like nobodies business. If my arms are feeling empty, it takes but one simple request and you readily fill them up.
You are such, and have always been, a loving boy. That is probably my biggest worry for you. Letting you out into the big bad world, you will soon find that everyone is not as loving as you are. They are not all kind-hearted and caring. The thought of you realizing that, breaks my heart just a bit because I fear it will break yours just a little as well. Perhaps it has not been the right thing to do, but I have just wanted you to be a kid and nothing more. It is still what I want for you and your brother. Just enjoy being kids because it's a really short amount of time you get that privilege and then you have to grow up. Only when you are a grown up, do you find...it's really not that fun at all. It pretty well sucks most of the time, except for getting to do neat things like raise little boys.
I just want to keep seeing that look on your face that I have always seen, and I still see so very often. That look that tells me your body might be right here, but your imagination has you a million miles away. I think that when you are there, wherever it is, you are free and happy and never know a care in the world. I hope that you are always able to go there, whenever you need to. Whatever this wonderful place is, it is yours and yours alone.
Your intelligence and imagination absolutely amaze me. Your imagination never stops. Never stops and that makes me smile.
I smile when I walk up to my car and see you've drawn a smiley face on the door in the dirt. When I walk around to the back of the car and find a whole scene of stick people going to work or making dinner. I smile when I find 30 million pieces of paper all through out the entire house anywhere and everywhere anyone could ever imagine, that are all drawings, scenes, words, letters and/or numbers that you've drawn. You've gone to nearly obsessive but I will certainly let you. :o) Most definitely let you let your imagination pour out of you freely.
I love it so much, that I do something I probably should not and perhaps your dates will be horrified by it when you are older...but I let you play with your food. So when you are 26 and don't understand why these girls get these crazy looks on their faces when you take them out to dinner and then don't return your calls. This is why. Well, truly though, it's a blessing in disguise I am sure, because until you take out the girl that truly appreciates your ability to replicate the Eiffel Tower with 4 pretzels, some broccoli and a piece of bread, she's just not your soul mate. No, until you take out the girl that leans across the table and adds her own monument in mashed potatoes, you just need to keep searching.
I let you play with your food because for some reason, your imagination goes wild when you eat and you've constructed some of the truly neatest damn things with your food. To add to the weirdness of our family, I then try to grab my camera and photograph your masterpieces before they are crushed, eaten or otherwise mutilated.
You are the boy, that any mother would be overjoyed to have as a son. You are the boy that I dreamt of. You are the boy, that I smile about each time I realize that you are MINE. That I was blessed to have you, to be your Mom and to get to spend nearly EVERY single day of your life with you until you go off on your own.
Some ways you leaving home is so far off, but in the same breath, I know it's really not going to be that far off in the grand scheme of things.
So since we know I could gush on you for hours on end, I will close here and just say, that I love you. I am so very proud of you in every way imaginable and I am so very, very lucky to be your Mommy and watch you grow up. You are the greatest brother, such a beautiful and loving son and a great friend to everyone.
Happy Birthday baby boy.
To end...a slideshow. Five years of Kade, in no particular order. Almost, but not precisely... ;o)
Friday, November 27, 2009
Thankful to be so Thankful
Well, it really will be a quickie b/c it's past my Thanksgiving bedtime. However I felt I could not go to sleep without popping on to wish everyone a very SAFE and HAPPY Thanksgiving. By now I'm sure most of you have had your eats and are sitting around getting sloshed watching football or something.
Hook em' Horns.... :o)
I have so many things to be thankful for and I'm really most thankful, that I can see that.
So a few things to say I am thankful for - granted I could go on for an hour, but I won't.
1. My beautiful amazing sweet little boys. They think their Mommy hung the moon and that's alright with me! :o)
2. My beautiful sweet loving husband, I never in a million years thought I'd be lucky enough to find someone as wonderful as him...yet here we are all (yeah ALLLL haha) these years later still as crazy about each other as we were way back when. ;o)
3. My AMAZING extended family! I have a hard time calling my "extended" family "extended" to be honest. That sounds a smidge too impersonal I think. I'm talking like, Steph and fam, Mark and fam and Pop and Shannon. I think we're all closer than "extended" to me. I'm so so so thankful for them all. For all the times and all the ways they've been there for us each or individually and most of all, for loving our little boys the way they do. That's most important to me.
4. Of course, while it STILL sounds impersonal, my really extended family! Yeah, ya know to be sorta "orphaned" in a way...I've really got an ENORMOUS family, both sides and including my in-law family too. Holy hell we could all fill up a football field almost! ha!
I love that there are SO many of us, but no matter how long its been between seeing each other, the hugs are just as genuine and we can sit down and talk for hours like we've not missed a day! I think THAT is awesome!
5. My fabulous friends. I can say, beyond all the other ways I am so blessed, this is truly one way I feel extremely blessed because I have something in friends, that I feel few people get. You hear so many SAY they are thankful for their friends, but I really really am. I *think* most folks are very close to and very thankful for their families and a friend or maybe two. I am blessed to have many, many great and very dear friends. I confuse the hell out of people when I say, "My best friend....." because they tend to think my one best friend leads an insanely busy life. ;) haha
6. I am thankful for the opportunities I've been given in my life. No matter what path I've gone down, no matter how it turned out or seemed at the time. Good or bad. I am thankful for all of it. That could sound seriously mental if you knew how bad some of the bad was, but I can truly say, in my most serious manner, I would go through it again to be where I am and who I am. The good has so out weighed the bad, it's always worth it.
7. I am thankful for the chance to share, well this can only come out corny I guess I can't word it correctly, my soul with the world -- whoever sees it anyway. I think so many people walk around with so much in them that they are either too afraid or too busy or whatever... they never share it. So I am thankful, to be someone that cannot hold it in. My pictures are just a reflection of the way I see things and it comes from deep down. It is one of the few reasons it is sometimes difficult to do that for a living, because it is really so personal, even when the photos are ones I've been asked to take - the way I portray what I see is very personal and it is difficult to put a price on that, much less the times when people want more for less and just cheapen how much heart I put into it. Perhaps there will be some more writing and other expressions of creativity to come soon.... ;o)
8. Here's a good one...I'm thankful for ADHD meds and a dr. that finally listened to me all the way through rather than cutting me off b/c I did well in school as a child (small child mind you). This has opened up an entirely new world for me and it's taking a LOT (and I mean a LOT) of hard work to get where I want to be for myself and my family, but I will do it and I AM. SUre there are slip ups and I slide backward, but the important thing is...I keep on walking right back up that slippery slope. Insistent, persistent and completely determined to the day I die, to get to the top and stay there.
9. I am thankful for the many miracles I've seen in my life. When I can sit down and put it on paper, which I really ought to do that soon, the things I've seen in my life that I view as miraculous - its really pretty amazing. Since I"m not one of those people that's watched the sunrise from the top of a Tibetan monastery or walked on the moon etc... I've just seen a lot of everyday miracles. A lot of not so everyday miracles. Births, deaths and healing that seemed impossible. There are many more to come and I'll take them all and soak it up and NEVER forget.
10. Of course I should add a conceited one. WHy not? It wouldn't be very "me" without would it? In all seriousness though, whatever divine intervention we shall believe in. I can obviously only say it had to be God that did it. ;) I am thankful that I am me. That probably sounds stupid, or insanely narcissistic but...well, maybe you just have to BE me to understand it. I am glad I am the person I am, wherever I got the resiliency that I've somehow come by, wherever some of this all came from. I am thankful. I am thankful that I keep on going no matter what. I am thankful to not walk around bitter about things I cannot change everyday. I am thankful that I can accept my past and the actions of others as simply that and still just be happy to be me. I am thankful that I can accept others and our differences, granted sometimes it might take me a bit of thinking but I do always come around, and still love them and/or forgive them. I am thankful that I am no longer afraid to be heard. I am thankful that I can have a sense of humor nearly all the time about nearly anything.
So, with so many other possible scenarios of what might have been for me...I am DAMN thankful this is the one I got. I shudder to imagine how the simplest decision could have put me somewhere very far, from the someone I am now. I am truly thankful, that I don't use the "where I came from, what I've been through" bit as an excuse for ANYTHING.
(Again, that all might SOUND all full of me, but...you'd just have to know a LOT about me I guess. Only a few others can really grasp it I think). ;)
11. I am thankful for the beautiful happy smiles that wake me up each morning.
12. I am thankful for the little fingers that tap me on the back lightly when I'm getting a hug.
13. I am thankful for haircolor. ;o)
14. I am BEYOND thankful for our health. Words can hardly say it enough.
15. I am thankful for the little surprises that come my way sometimes, when I least expect them!!!!!!
16. Most of all, I am thankful. For the full tummy I've got tonight. The warmth coming from the radiators. The snuggles I will get when I climb in my bed in a minute. The roof that is keeping us dry. The car I've got to drive. The bills that are paid. We should all ALWAYS be thankful of that, but I will say these days...we should be THAT MUCH MORE thankful for it.
I hope that everyone, no matter how dismal things may look to you today, can sincerely find something at least one thing, they are truly thankful for and pass it on. Reminding others of what YOU have to be thankful for, might sometimes be construed as bragging, but I think instead, it reminds them of what THEY have to be thankful for and thus begins a domino effect. Everyone is walking around thankful rather than wishful.
Please enjoy your meals or company or the very breath you take today. Drive safely and smile! :o) If nothing else, be thankful you can do that! THere are people on this earth that can't even do that. So be thankful yoU CAN!!!!!!
I was not going to really cook anything traditional today. We were going to cook a meal and sit down to eat together, but I had no intentions of making an actual Thanksgiving meal.
However...on making a couple of turkeys for Mike's shop luncheon, I found that my son is a freakin NUT about turkey! Kade was going bananas over the fact there was a turkey in our oven!
He would NOT get out of the kitchen for HOURS! He talked at Steph-speed (that's really fast talking just so you know) about how he loved turkey, he wanted turkey, was the turkey done yet? he didn't want his dinner, he wanted that turkey b/c he loved turkey...and yeah it went on for AGES. I decided then I should probably go buy the poor kid a turkey. So...yes, there's ME (and sadly I was nowhere NEAR the only dumbass out at 7:30pm the night before) at the commissary last night getting a turkey and trimmings.
So... we did it!
I feel like a total grown up now. Is that weird? I should still feel like a "kid" per se b/c we went elsewhere to eat every year? Well, for whatever reason it really made me feel like a REAL grown up and a REAL parent!
Together Mike and I made (insane I tell you) turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, corn, rolls, pumpkin pie and my fab chocolate banana pie. So okay really some of the key things there were not from "scratch" but does that REALLY matter? no. The dressing was some fancied up stove top, the pumpkin pie was frozen...but everything else was REAL! We did it in very little time too.
We sat down and had our big meal all together at our table. We had wine glasses and the fancy plates out too! ha! The boys had apple-pomegranate cider and we had wine. They thought they were pretty cool getting "grown up drinks". The teacher wants Kade to talk about Thanksgiving tomorrow, I'm sure there will be mention of his grown up drink and that might not look so great..... I should maybe put a note in his bag. ha!
Otherwise we are all doing great! Just waiting on a couple of last minute items to come in the mail so i can get all of our packages sent off, I'm SO excited! I love buying gifts!!! I'm so so so into decorating this year too. I've never ever gotten very carried away with it, but I would sort of like to...I think. Maybe that's more of that grown up thing? How can I have been so "old" for my years all this time, but not feel like an adult for so long either? Somehow cooking a turkey and putting up some garland seems like it might be a rite of passage into my real womanhood.
Wow, there's a book title... ha!
So, um...yeah. So much for short. We all knew better though.
I have the gift of gab in type. What can I say?
I can say good night........
xoxoxox
Hook em' Horns.... :o)
I have so many things to be thankful for and I'm really most thankful, that I can see that.
So a few things to say I am thankful for - granted I could go on for an hour, but I won't.
1. My beautiful amazing sweet little boys. They think their Mommy hung the moon and that's alright with me! :o)
2. My beautiful sweet loving husband, I never in a million years thought I'd be lucky enough to find someone as wonderful as him...yet here we are all (yeah ALLLL haha) these years later still as crazy about each other as we were way back when. ;o)
3. My AMAZING extended family! I have a hard time calling my "extended" family "extended" to be honest. That sounds a smidge too impersonal I think. I'm talking like, Steph and fam, Mark and fam and Pop and Shannon. I think we're all closer than "extended" to me. I'm so so so thankful for them all. For all the times and all the ways they've been there for us each or individually and most of all, for loving our little boys the way they do. That's most important to me.
4. Of course, while it STILL sounds impersonal, my really extended family! Yeah, ya know to be sorta "orphaned" in a way...I've really got an ENORMOUS family, both sides and including my in-law family too. Holy hell we could all fill up a football field almost! ha!
I love that there are SO many of us, but no matter how long its been between seeing each other, the hugs are just as genuine and we can sit down and talk for hours like we've not missed a day! I think THAT is awesome!
5. My fabulous friends. I can say, beyond all the other ways I am so blessed, this is truly one way I feel extremely blessed because I have something in friends, that I feel few people get. You hear so many SAY they are thankful for their friends, but I really really am. I *think* most folks are very close to and very thankful for their families and a friend or maybe two. I am blessed to have many, many great and very dear friends. I confuse the hell out of people when I say, "My best friend....." because they tend to think my one best friend leads an insanely busy life. ;) haha
6. I am thankful for the opportunities I've been given in my life. No matter what path I've gone down, no matter how it turned out or seemed at the time. Good or bad. I am thankful for all of it. That could sound seriously mental if you knew how bad some of the bad was, but I can truly say, in my most serious manner, I would go through it again to be where I am and who I am. The good has so out weighed the bad, it's always worth it.
7. I am thankful for the chance to share, well this can only come out corny I guess I can't word it correctly, my soul with the world -- whoever sees it anyway. I think so many people walk around with so much in them that they are either too afraid or too busy or whatever... they never share it. So I am thankful, to be someone that cannot hold it in. My pictures are just a reflection of the way I see things and it comes from deep down. It is one of the few reasons it is sometimes difficult to do that for a living, because it is really so personal, even when the photos are ones I've been asked to take - the way I portray what I see is very personal and it is difficult to put a price on that, much less the times when people want more for less and just cheapen how much heart I put into it. Perhaps there will be some more writing and other expressions of creativity to come soon.... ;o)
8. Here's a good one...I'm thankful for ADHD meds and a dr. that finally listened to me all the way through rather than cutting me off b/c I did well in school as a child (small child mind you). This has opened up an entirely new world for me and it's taking a LOT (and I mean a LOT) of hard work to get where I want to be for myself and my family, but I will do it and I AM. SUre there are slip ups and I slide backward, but the important thing is...I keep on walking right back up that slippery slope. Insistent, persistent and completely determined to the day I die, to get to the top and stay there.
9. I am thankful for the many miracles I've seen in my life. When I can sit down and put it on paper, which I really ought to do that soon, the things I've seen in my life that I view as miraculous - its really pretty amazing. Since I"m not one of those people that's watched the sunrise from the top of a Tibetan monastery or walked on the moon etc... I've just seen a lot of everyday miracles. A lot of not so everyday miracles. Births, deaths and healing that seemed impossible. There are many more to come and I'll take them all and soak it up and NEVER forget.
10. Of course I should add a conceited one. WHy not? It wouldn't be very "me" without would it? In all seriousness though, whatever divine intervention we shall believe in. I can obviously only say it had to be God that did it. ;) I am thankful that I am me. That probably sounds stupid, or insanely narcissistic but...well, maybe you just have to BE me to understand it. I am glad I am the person I am, wherever I got the resiliency that I've somehow come by, wherever some of this all came from. I am thankful. I am thankful that I keep on going no matter what. I am thankful to not walk around bitter about things I cannot change everyday. I am thankful that I can accept my past and the actions of others as simply that and still just be happy to be me. I am thankful that I can accept others and our differences, granted sometimes it might take me a bit of thinking but I do always come around, and still love them and/or forgive them. I am thankful that I am no longer afraid to be heard. I am thankful that I can have a sense of humor nearly all the time about nearly anything.
So, with so many other possible scenarios of what might have been for me...I am DAMN thankful this is the one I got. I shudder to imagine how the simplest decision could have put me somewhere very far, from the someone I am now. I am truly thankful, that I don't use the "where I came from, what I've been through" bit as an excuse for ANYTHING.
(Again, that all might SOUND all full of me, but...you'd just have to know a LOT about me I guess. Only a few others can really grasp it I think). ;)
11. I am thankful for the beautiful happy smiles that wake me up each morning.
12. I am thankful for the little fingers that tap me on the back lightly when I'm getting a hug.
13. I am thankful for haircolor. ;o)
14. I am BEYOND thankful for our health. Words can hardly say it enough.
15. I am thankful for the little surprises that come my way sometimes, when I least expect them!!!!!!
16. Most of all, I am thankful. For the full tummy I've got tonight. The warmth coming from the radiators. The snuggles I will get when I climb in my bed in a minute. The roof that is keeping us dry. The car I've got to drive. The bills that are paid. We should all ALWAYS be thankful of that, but I will say these days...we should be THAT MUCH MORE thankful for it.
I hope that everyone, no matter how dismal things may look to you today, can sincerely find something at least one thing, they are truly thankful for and pass it on. Reminding others of what YOU have to be thankful for, might sometimes be construed as bragging, but I think instead, it reminds them of what THEY have to be thankful for and thus begins a domino effect. Everyone is walking around thankful rather than wishful.
Please enjoy your meals or company or the very breath you take today. Drive safely and smile! :o) If nothing else, be thankful you can do that! THere are people on this earth that can't even do that. So be thankful yoU CAN!!!!!!
I was not going to really cook anything traditional today. We were going to cook a meal and sit down to eat together, but I had no intentions of making an actual Thanksgiving meal.
However...on making a couple of turkeys for Mike's shop luncheon, I found that my son is a freakin NUT about turkey! Kade was going bananas over the fact there was a turkey in our oven!
He would NOT get out of the kitchen for HOURS! He talked at Steph-speed (that's really fast talking just so you know) about how he loved turkey, he wanted turkey, was the turkey done yet? he didn't want his dinner, he wanted that turkey b/c he loved turkey...and yeah it went on for AGES. I decided then I should probably go buy the poor kid a turkey. So...yes, there's ME (and sadly I was nowhere NEAR the only dumbass out at 7:30pm the night before) at the commissary last night getting a turkey and trimmings.
So... we did it!
I feel like a total grown up now. Is that weird? I should still feel like a "kid" per se b/c we went elsewhere to eat every year? Well, for whatever reason it really made me feel like a REAL grown up and a REAL parent!
Together Mike and I made (insane I tell you) turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, corn, rolls, pumpkin pie and my fab chocolate banana pie. So okay really some of the key things there were not from "scratch" but does that REALLY matter? no. The dressing was some fancied up stove top, the pumpkin pie was frozen...but everything else was REAL! We did it in very little time too.
We sat down and had our big meal all together at our table. We had wine glasses and the fancy plates out too! ha! The boys had apple-pomegranate cider and we had wine. They thought they were pretty cool getting "grown up drinks". The teacher wants Kade to talk about Thanksgiving tomorrow, I'm sure there will be mention of his grown up drink and that might not look so great..... I should maybe put a note in his bag. ha!
Otherwise we are all doing great! Just waiting on a couple of last minute items to come in the mail so i can get all of our packages sent off, I'm SO excited! I love buying gifts!!! I'm so so so into decorating this year too. I've never ever gotten very carried away with it, but I would sort of like to...I think. Maybe that's more of that grown up thing? How can I have been so "old" for my years all this time, but not feel like an adult for so long either? Somehow cooking a turkey and putting up some garland seems like it might be a rite of passage into my real womanhood.
Wow, there's a book title... ha!
So, um...yeah. So much for short. We all knew better though.
I have the gift of gab in type. What can I say?
I can say good night........
xoxoxox
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)