and lastly...

before cody does something drastic to get my attention...
this layout is not cutting it. and those photos look like ass on here.
ugh. Puh-lease tell me i don't have to get ALL technical to make this look right again.
dear blogger, why did ya "fix" what wasn't broken to start with?

ick. just sayin. ick.

it's a sickness...

i cannot post without photos apparently. so here.

Sunday afternoonon the River Cams Cambridge

Everybody! Grab a pint and watch all the daft fools try to drive a punt! (Or acknowledge the few brainiacs that HIRE someone to do it for us so we don't look like stupid wankers trying to play chicken with other punts).

Co and Dad on the punt

It's like a door. On the water.

River traffic jam

How British... ;)

Anything for a penny...

Just because, you've gotta have a picture of the hat.

My most favorite thing about the City Centre in Cambridge. Freedom of the Arts :) There's ALWAYS someone playing there.

Kade with his giant over priced lolly

i have no idea.

...and all that jazz

HELLOoooooooooo out there. Yes. Still here. Did not drop off the face of the earth.
Time to get back to it. yes yes yes. I know. Lame. Last post, December 2010? Date now? June 2011?? Okay. Well I have actually written several posts out, just never actually posted them. I kept saying more than I needed to. I had something to say. I will. I still do. Eventually but waiting on myself to get around to something sometimes, sure makes a lot of stuff NOT happen. Therefore, no more putting everything on hold. You know a brain like mine will eventually explode if I don't let it decompress sometimes. :)

I might share photos later. Presently I'm on the laptop chilling with the Codester, running short on battery power and watching 101 Dalmations. I've cut his pre-school days down to just two per week and we're still adjusting to it. I was really worried since he's always incredibly bored on Mondays, which were his one day a week he was off school and with me while Kade was at school. However, thus far we're okay. ha! Okay so it's only Tuesday on his first short week... 10 am at that. LOL but regardless, we're having a good time. I thought we might spend some time together while we can before he starts real school in September.
He doesn't necessarily LOOOOVE his preschool anyway, so why force it? In just a couple of months he'll be forever bound to his school career. Though Kade's not too happy about this set up. I think the words that keep coming out are "it's not FAIR!!" haha. He'll be alright though. About time for him to get to enjoy some more BIG brother perks, he'll realize that it's alright after all. ;)
Cody had his intro afternoon at his new classroom last week and he is OVER THE MOON to start school with Kade. He loved it, he's begged to go back every single day and stay for 300 hours. I so wish he could've started last year like he should have. He's just got too much to go on to be hanging with the babies at preschool. I've even been trying to step it up at home, as he's just SO ready to learn learn learn more. We all know that i'm not so good at that stuff, but we find creative ways to make playing into learning stuff. :)
Some of Kade's first spelling successes were actually done with kindling wood by the fireplace :)

At any rate. We're all good here. Just hanging out. Working through the last month of school, trying to figure out what we can do while they are off for summer hols and see what all we can see since our time here is drawing to an end. I'm so anxious about all we've not gotten to see and do since we've been here. Time is running out and it's running out even faster than I'd planned. I thought we'd have a few more months next spring and it's not looking like we will after all.
The boys are doing fantastic and growing at astounding rates.
Cody learned how to ride his bike without training wheels a few months ago and it's been so great. They both earned a new bike so we've all been going bike riding together, we really enjoy that. I'm going to miss the open trails that are everywhere here.

Oh dear I thought I had lots of tidbits to chat about. I do actually, but...now my Spark has kicked in and I simply can't concentrate with all these puppies barking on the tv. Time for physical activity!!! :)

Well, I'm obviously working on the look of the blog, as you can see. I loved  blogger for being so simple to set up but now they've gone off and tried to upgrade it and I can't ever keep it looking proper. So...that's a sign. I do open it up sometimes. I will come back. I also...will not censor my writing any longer. You  have been warned. ;) I find it pointless to try and write and share things, when it's not EXACTLY as it was in my  head. It is a half-ass version of the truth and that's something I just don't care for one bit. It's not fair to anyone, so if you start reading things I put out there as offensive, best to lose the link and remove me from your feeds.
My beliefs are my beliefs and they are taken from the live I've lived, therefore, I have reasons for how I view things and I'm not going to hide that anymore. Not my foul language, dry humor, weird off the wall thoughts...whatever it is. It's my blog, my words, my me-ness so let's just embrace that. No more keeping it on the down low to keep everyone else happy b/c it makes no one happy. ;) So there you have it.
The unabridged version is to come... look out! ;)

That said, the little battery is about to turn red. I should get a replacement soon.

Later peeps!

this year. or more specifically....LAST year.

this past year i did not blog the boys birthdays. i did not blog our trips. i did not blog much of anything. noticed eh?
well...while i'm not necessarily the greatest blogger as it is, there was a reason i went from kinda crappy to a screeching halt.
i've gone to write about the reasoning behind that a few times but i tend to get a bit too long winded. we can't be having that now can we? i mean, it's hard enough to rein myself in on any given day. it's idiotic for me to get started on anything that i feel too strongly about. however, that said, saying that sort of defeats the purpose of blogs in the first place right? perhaps i could train myself for broken thought processes without losing sight of the objective. doubtful, but it's an idea anyway. ;)
well, we'll just see how that goes.
who knows. i need to say what i need to say and i still often teeter on keeping this blog alive or not. whether i should just make it private? i don't know. i'm still on the fence.
instead i just stay undecided and don't share anything. which...is just unfair to myself and the world because spurting out the crap that manifests in my head is a treat for all mankind. it is. in case you thought it wasn't, i promise, it really is.
i suppose i could go back to all the drafts that never got published and see where i was going with them and if they were done or not. i suppose that is a good place to start.
new year. new....everything?

i haven't really come up with anything concrete for my 2011 lineup just yet. 2010 was for change. i meant to make a change monthly, i'll say i at least accomplished half of it. i could beat myself up but here's where therapy comes in handy sometimes. i'll just applaud myself for what i DID change and stick to instead. look at me go. rock on doc. haha
i can even do that and REALLY not just be bs'ing b/c i made some pretty big changes.
december 26th marked 1 year 100% smoke free. that's an accomplishment enough to last the whole year. forget about quitting the things i could not control in moderation. meaning smoking, dr. pepper and chocolate bars. i have had a milky way like twice, i won't even lie. but not a single solitary reese's cups. no matter how loud they screamed my name. no matter HOW tempting that reese's candy BAR was right in my face just a couple weeks ago.
i'm pretty certain that this year will mostly be work related stuff. i made changes in my health and relationships last year and i'm happy with the progress i made thus far.
so....we'll just see where it swings this year and go from there. :)

ode to whom?

So here I sit again. Ready to write. Why does it always hit me at the most unreasonable time? When I'm least able to sit down and spit it out somewhere? I certainly won't remember the exact sentiments later. I've tried. I think I will, but it just never seems as good, what I thought up, the second time I try to get it out.
My vow for the year is to put more thoughts out there. For all to see. More of me. Sometimes I feel like I walk around naked enough for everyone on earth as it is, but what may well frighten many is that I actually keep far more inside than I ever let out.
While that is fine for many, it's something that simply feels "wrong" to me. I never feel free enough, loose enough, when I have to keep too much in. I feel too heavy and weighed down. No puns on the size of my ass either, just simply an inner anchor that I must throw over the side of the ship to keep me grounded. Perhaps I feel like I get lost in all the stuff on the inside if I don't spit it out as often as possible?
It's hard to tell, but when the worry of offending people by my words and my vision of the world subsides when I've let myself purge some of these things, I feel so insanely free and grounded and 'here'. Saying I'm 'here' is pretty well impossible to explain, but those that know what I mean, just know what I mean. Of course I'm "HERE" all the time, but I have a day-dreamy mind. Perhaps it is something all creatives share. I could not for a moment try to put myself in the mind of a totally logical person that cannot ever see the possibility of the impossible. Mathematically speaking, I couldn't figure up anything to know what may or may not be possible. That said, my brain is actually right down the center line. I'm not 100% one thing or the other. Even to the shock and surprise of professionals I've got the equal amount of artistic thought as I do logical, though not enough patience to work through either one as far as I should.
Call me Miss Middle of the Road.

Life. It's how it goes...

This morning I woke up late. It was too cold to kick the covers off. So I thought.
I fell asleep in the middle of a project last night that had a deadline. I had to clean up the laundry room so the maintenance man could look at the boiler. I had to throw some make up on to cover my mass of blemishes and find my sports bra so I could go to the gym and burn off some calories. I had to help my husband find a movie online for his class so he could write his paper this morning. I had to get the kids to school and as usual, we were running behind. I had to walk the kids a mile to the classroom, one running away, one lagging too far behind and neither paying an ounce of attention to me.
I had to get them each to their respective schools and classrooms and bargain with one to let me leave. I had to act like a silly fool outside the pre-school so that Cody would start his day off laughing, and 5 other kids too apparently. I had to skip the gym and run home to make sure that Mike was able to find what he needed. To make sure I had things squared away for maintenance.
I had all these things to do but I was dying to do something for me. I just wanted to run out and snap a few pics of the amazing frost that was stuck to everything this morning. Frost and sunshine are far too much for a camera girl to resist. I also have not taken the dog for a free run in months. I'm awful I know. I just found this great spot a couple weeks ago and it's perfect for us. A bit too close to the road for my liking, but just due to the noise. I can always do with out noise.
Ugly camera hung around my neck, 2 pair of socks and arctic ready boots, too thin pants for this temperature and some ski gloves that are useless against the cold and one anxious dog I set off on my way. Only a couple miles down the road, anger the 20 people behind me for seemingly stopping in the middle of the road for no reason to turn into a spot most likely miss the whole time they live here.
As soon as I put the car in park, Oz knew just where we were and was going nuts for me to let her out. WHY am I so cruel and make her wait for me to put on gloves and scarves and hats etc...?
As soon as I opened the hatch, she was off like a rocket. I so love taking her out where she can run free. She's terrible on a leash and something about being loose in the woods brings out her inner puppy. It's like watching your kids have the time of their life. You can't help but smile.
It took all of 5 minutes for me to realize how terrible the gloves were and about 10 to be steadily belittling myself for not grabbing some of those hand warmer packs.
The forest floor is covered in frost, all the thick grasses laid over from the weight. The most beautiful thing today is the spiderwebs all covered in this very heavy frost. The sun shines through the trees and bounces light off the frost covering every tiny needle on the evergreens, the webs hanging from every branch and leaf every way you turn. Walking through the deeper woods, the floor literally sounds like hollow flooring. I am always scared I'm going to fall through. Oscar and I crunched our way through the woods and out to a small clearing which surprisingly still had snow all over it. It's a tough spot for much sun to get in and while the snow has melted everywhere else, this is one spot I'm sure I will be able to find it for several days yet.
I forget how huge the trees are here sometimes until you get to the random clearing and have them standing against the back drop of bright blue sky.
I love this. I love all the nature, the stillness aside from the random bounding of a black streak racing by. No people or horns blowing, no alarms blaring, no tv show yelling or phones ringing. No checking to see who's updated facebook or what my horoscope is for the day. Just...nature. Just what God put there for us to see. Just what I fear losing, what I pray we, as humans, can protect and keep for generations to see. What a shame for anyone to miss this.
Here I am, while others are rushing to work, yelling at their kids, trying to find something to eat or get warm for just a few minutes. While others in the world are in a hospital waiting for the last breath, off in a desert dodging bullets and wondering what on earth they are doing there. While others are walking the street doing things they never dreamed they would, to buy things they never dreamed they'd touch, wondering who on earth they are. While others take a right hook square on the cheek for talking back or not cooking dinner fast enough. While others pray for forgiveness, food or fortune. Health or time or love or peace.
Here I am. Here I am, cold but able to seek warmth when I wish. Fed, housed, not beaten or shot at. Here I am, taking a simple stroll with my camera in the woods with my dog. Here I am, soaking up the beauty that is laid out before me like a gift. How blessed I am to witness it. How blessed I am to see it, to take the time to look at it, soak it up and know how blessed I am.
What good is a blessing if you are too dense to even know you got it?
I walked a bit more, getting colder and colder and wondering how long it takes a normal person to get frostbite as it seems half an hour is all it would take for me. I walked more thinking about the people that come here and do nothing more than complain and they drive right by this daily.
They drive by these towering trees that are spread out far enough to have open space under the canopy. Where the light streams through the branches and warms you but for a single second. Where you feel that...maybe something higher is patting you on the head. "Job well done. Thank you for looking at the picture I painted for you. I'm glad you like it"
I saw plants I've never seen before, colors you can't put in a box, animal tracks and little evergreens fighting for their place against the giants, but standing strong nonetheless.
As we neared another clearing, this one very large, my breath caught. Oh my...am I really standing here? I walked up on a small hill and looked all around. There is so much open space here that everything is wide open and draped over it all, a thick white layer of frost. The sun bearing over the tops of the monstrous tree behind me, the rays pour over onto this opening. From this hill, I can see nothing more than this simple white clearing, lumpy with the heavy grasses covered in winter. Surrounding that, a glowing multitude of trees. The land rolls with them as far as I can see, the tops tickled with the sun light and a blue haze all around the edges from the cold of the day.
I am in awe.
I am standing on a knoll, in a field in England on a frozen December morning admiring the gift laid before me. I am frozen and my feet and hands are literally aching, but who could care? I could literally sit here for hours and just stare. I wish I had my book with me so I could write about it as I look at it. I try to take a panorama but guess what?
The damn camera battery just died.

Fundraising Frenzy Pt. 1 Winner!!!!

Thank you all SO much!!!!!